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Read Ebook: Mr. Punch in Wig and Gown: The Lighter Side of Bench and Bar by Hammerton J A John Alexander Editor Marks Henry Stacy Illustrator
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Ebook has 195 lines and 28886 words, and 4 pages
CAUSE WITHOUT EFFECT.--An action resulting in a farthing's damages.
A "COUNTER-CASE."--Shop-lifting.
DIAMONDS OF THE CAPE.--Intelligent policemen.
INFORMATION WANTED.--At what time in the morning are barristers called?
NO JOKE FOR A JURY
O poor jury, boxed, poor jury, Three weeks odd, each day but one; Rose impatience not to fury Ere your weary task was done?
You were special, picked and chosen For the nonce, were you, indeed. But had one among your dozen, Business of his own to heed?
Put an artist on an action, Or a scribe as juror bind, How shall that man help distraction, From his duty, of his mind?
Thoughts of lost employment pressing He can chase not, nor control Fell anxiety, distressing, If it were to save his soul.
If your case needs comprehension, Litigants, your jury, then, Must, to give it due attention, Be composed of leisured men.
Swells in yachts life idly leading, Fishing, hunting, shooting, who Might, to work for bread not needing, Sing, "We've got no work to do."
MARITIME LAW.--The law of libel does not apply to a "running down" case. The parties are not in the same boat.
QUESTION.--Can a process server legally be said to be a writualist?
QUESTION EVERY MAGISTRATE OUGHT TO ASK HIMSELF BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP.--"I wonder if I have committed myself in any way to-day?"
HOW TO PREVENT A CONSPIRACY FROM LEAKING OUT.--Let the plot thicken.
A MORAL PHENOMENON.--A barrister returning his fee.
BRIEFLESS THEORY.--'Tis practice makes the barrister perfect.
"AFTER YOU," as the policeman ought to be allowed to say to the bubble-bank director.
LEGAL QUIBBLE.--A barrister should cultivate a good temper, if he would succeed as a cross-examiner.
AN EXPENSIVE CALL TO PAY.--A call to the Bar.
THE DIVISION LIST.--Divorce Court causes.
CENTRE OF GRAVITY.--A judge in court.
THE BLOCK OF LEGAL BUSINESS.--The wig block.
TO PORTIA AT THE BAR
O Portia, many maids there are, Who wear their wigs as gaily As thou, appearing at the bar To take refreshers daily; They rustle too, in silk like thee With oft a clerk resplendent And, not infrequently you see, Solicitors attendant.
Their trade is legal--so is thine, Yet not their craft thou pliest, For they are in the liquor line And thou in law--the driest. But welcome, bar maid! hail to thee! Bright be thy lot and griefless! And may thy portion never be, Like this poor writer's, briefless.
THE EYE OF THE LAW.--Policeman's bull's-eye.
MORE THAN A MIRACLE.--When a prisoner is "taken from the dock unmoved."
SONG FOR MAGISTRATES.--"Let us speak of a man as we've fined him."
LEGALISED PROVERBS
Where there's a will there's a law suit.
The successful lawyer is a man of actions.
Look before you leap into litigation.
The wise man keeps his own counsel, and the wise counsel keeps his own man.
Many a muddle makes a muckle for the lawyers.
No suit lasts longer than a suit in Chancery.
A conveyancer is never afraid of drafts.
A brief in the hand is worth two in a solicitor's office.
'Tis better to have fought and lost than to have had no case at all.
Little plaintiffs have large fears.
The good solicitor is known by his good deeds.
Two heads, a leader and a junior, are better than one.
LAW FOR LADIES.--Why ought every lady nowadays to learn the legal doctrine concerning "wrong to the person"?
AT CONSCIENCE' CALL
SONG OF THE SLIGHTED SUITOR
Oh, where, and oh where is my learned counsel gone? He's gone to the Queen's Bench where a case is coming on, And it's oh, in my heart, that I wish my case his own.
What fee, and what fee did your learned counsel clutch? Five guineas on his brief he did not think too much;-- And it's oh! if he's a barrister, I wish he'd act as such.
In what court, in what court is your learned counsel found? I cannot catch him anywhere, of all he goes the round;-- And it's oh! in my heart, that to one I wish him bound.
What excuse, what excuse can your learned counsel make? None at all, none at all, but his head he'll gravely shake, And it's oh! in my heart, that the fee he's sure to take.
A FIRM CONVICTION.--Transportation for life.
BAR GOLD.--Fees to counsel.
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