Homepage
Login
Profile
BookClubs
dmBox
Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Volume 101 September 19 1891 by Various
Font size:
Background color:
Text color:
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page
Ebook has 79 lines and 13210 words, and 2 pages
SONG OF THE SHAMPOOED ONE ,--"Sweet after showers ambrosial air!"
THE MODERN "BED OF PROCRUSTES."
APPROPRIATE LOCATION.--"Yes," said a friend of the person they were discussing, "he is a great traveller, and tells you some of the most marvellous stories." "Where does he live?" was the question. And the very natural answer was, "Oh, in some out-and-out-lying district."
THE BITTER CRY OF THE OUTCAST CHOIR-BOY.
Break, break, break, O voice, on my old top C! And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me!
O, well for the fishmonger's boy That he shrieks his two notes above A.! O, well for the tailor's son That he soars in the old, old way!
And the twelve-year chaps go on Up the gamut steady and shrill; But, O, for the creak of a larynx cracked, And a glottis that won't keep still!
Break, break, break, O voice, on my dear top C. But the swell solo parts of a boyhood fled They'll never give more to me!
ANNALS OF A QUIET WATERING-PLACE
THAT HAS "SEEN ITS DAY."
This is the nineteenth day that I have had my face glued to the window-pane watching for the promised "break" in the weather that is to enable me to get a little of the benefit of the sea-air of this place that my doctor assures me is "to do such wonders for me in a week that I shall not know myself." What it might do for me if I could only get hold of it, I can only guess, but the result of the persistent rain has been slowly but surely to empty the Grand Esplanade, the drawing and dining-room floors of which announce on colossal cards that the whole twenty-four establishments are "to let," with the result that all the recreation that Torsington-on-Sea affords has formed a sort of conspiracy to drive me mad with amusement.
His reply to this is characteristic; at least, I think so. For within twenty minutes the discarded Christy Minstrel, the Silvery-voiced Tenor, some performing dogs, the whole of the Town Band, the Man with the Bath-chair and general crowd of "loafers," assemble opposite my dining-room windows, braving south-west wind , and a general downpour, leaden sky, and indications of "being in" for "another day of it."
I feel quite convinced that the Professor in velvet tights has rapidly whipped up the whole place with some such sentence as "No. 27 on the Grand Esplanade. Give the Old Bloke there a taste. He wants waking up a bit!"
I write to my Medical Adviser. One day is much like another here, I cannot say I go forward very fast. I admit the weather has been against me here; still, things might, I think, have been better.
Take this, for instance, as a typical day for an invalid. It is hardly the sort of place to "pick up" in; at least, so it strikes me.
THE KING OF THE BEASTS.
TELLING THE WASPS.
Cynics, and ye critics cold, When the wasps return with Spring, Tell them that THERSITES old Perished in his fault-hunting, Perished on an Autumn night. Now no more he 'll ban and blight In the "weeklies," as of yore; But the valley and the height Miss a biter and a bore!
SOME CIRCULAR NOTES.
Here DAUBINET, being tired, sits. He has seen it all before. "He knows his way," explains M. VESQUIER, "and we shall meet him again above." This sounds funereal, but, as an expression of Christian sentiment, hopeful.
It is DAUBINET. He advances from somewhere, from an opening, the existence of which I had never suspected.
"The first time, I believe, that you have ever seen these caves," observes M. VESQUIER, quietly, "which, one way and another, represent several miles of walking." Then looking at his watch, he adds, "It is time for breakfast. You must be hungry."
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS & Co.
VOX ET PRAETEREA NIHIL!
Voice of the Silence? Brotherhood prodigious, A babble-ridden age might well rejoice Could you but give instead of talk litigious, The Silence of the Voice.
"REAL MEAN."--The English Churchman, who, on returning from abroad, puts all his surplusage of Swiss silver--ten and twenty centime-pieces--into the offertory bag or plate.
SHAKSPEARE AT THE TRADES UNION CONGRESS.--"We must Vote by the Card, or Equality will be our undoing."
NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception.
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page Prev Page