Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Volume 101 November 14 1891 by Various

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A JUBILEE GREETING!

NOVEMBER 9, 1891.

My Prince, 'tis for our coming King We all lift glass in hand; For him that loud hurrahs do ring To-day all round the land, My Prince, All round a loyal land!

Let sycophantish slave kotoo; You love not such display; Let courtiers cringe and creatures "boo." 'Tis not our English way, My Prince, 'Tis not our English way.

As FLORA to Prince CHARLIE bent It is no shame to bow; And you're a man to be content With man's respect, I trow, My Prince, With man's respect, I trow.

For Fifty Years we've known you, Sir, And liked you. Love is free! That's why the land is all astir, To hail your Jubilee, My Prince, To hail your Jubilee.

In Seventy-One he stood beside Your door in sad "Suspense." We saw the turn in that dark tide With thankfulness intense, My Prince, With gratitude intense.

From stage to stage your course he's marked Abroad as eke at home; Where'er you've travelled, toiled, skylarked; And now mid-age has come, My Prince, And now mid-age has come.

And now your Jubilee we greet, With hearty English joy, Who, as those Fifty Years did fleet, Have watched you, man and boy, My Prince, Have watched you, man and boy.

Now youth has gone, and manhood come, Your Jubilee we keep, Good-will shall strike detraction dumb, And sound from deep to deep, My Prince, From white-cliff'd deep to deep!

AN APPARENTLY HARD CASE.--Miss Print is responsible for a great deal. The other day a tender-hearted person read in a daily paper, that a stranger "arriving in Paris, did not even know where to go and die." How sad! But the compositor had only omitted the "n" from the last word of the sentence. So it wasn't so bad after all, though for the stranger bad enough.

"Music's the Food."--At the Savoy Hotel the band of Herr WURMS is advertised to perform during dinner. The name of the dinner might follow suit, and be entitled "The Diet of Wurms, for Gentle and Simple." Of course the band of Herr WURMS is an attraction; "Wurms for bait," eh?

IO TRIUMPHE!

OR, GREEK FOR HEIFER!

Thee, Camus, reverend renown Thy grateful votaries seek, Foil'd are the Vandals who'd "send down" The Genius of Greek.

For Culture's jewell'd master-key They cupboard pick-locks tend, And in the cult of Mammon see Learning's true aim and end;

Pit shallow youth's impatient fuss Against the grit of CATO, Set IBSEN up for AESCHYLUS, And OLLENDORFF for PLATO;

For nymphs, where o'er the fragrant pines A sea-bright sun uprises, Their fancy plays round primmest lines Of prigs receiving prizes.

From Sir JOHN CHEKE to Dr. JEBB, From CALVERLEY to MILTON, Clear spirits burst the Sophist-web, And rent the rook they built on.

WELLDON is falsely named in this, For sure, in slighting Greek, he Will Learning's final blessing miss, Her .

What though the urchin deem it "rot"

Still let us learn, not beastly facts, The field of any booby, But how thought acts and interacts, And contraries can true be.

Though on oblivion's barren shores He give it quick sepulture, Still through reluctant passman's pores Instil the dew of culture.

Still give us of the rills divine That flow from haunted Helicon, Nor rend thyself to feed the swine, Like a perverted Pelican.

Keep far the time when every bee That booms in every bonnet, Shall find a chair of Apiary, And drone long lectures on it.

Still the large light and sweetness seek Of KEATS'S raptured vision, --till Greek at last meets Greek In brotherhood Elysian.

NOTHING LIKE LABOR.

And so the Un-employed rose from the ditch in which he had passed the night, and made for the town. It was early morning, and he thought he could possibly get something to do at the baker's.

"Want to work?" cried the foreman. "Why, my good fellow, it is all over for the next two days. The trade only allows four hours, so we begin at eight on one night, and carry it on until four on the following morning. People get their loaves a little stale, but old bread is said to be good for the digestion!"

So the Unemployed went on until he came to a half-built house. The workmen had left, but there was still a watchman on the premises.

So the starving man continued his journey. He was unsuccessful at every trade centre. One industry allowed its members to work only for three hours a day, another two, a third four, and so on. There was only one exception to the rule, and this was caused by necessity. The undertakers were fully employed twelve hours out of the twenty-four. Even the public-houses were closed at noon. The workhouses and casual wards were never empty.

But being of a sanguine temperament, the Unemployed cheered his drooping spirits by murmuring, "Better luck to-morrow!" Then he retired to his rather damp quarters in the country ditch!

Literary Intelligence.

LIGHT CONDUCT IN HEAVENLY BODIES.

DEAR MR. EDITOR,

"APPARENT DUPLICITY OF JUPITER'S SATELLITE No. 1."

Except that the stars are given to wink, I have never before heard of the Heavenly Bodies being accused, of immorality. It is true that the duplicity is said to be only "apparent" or alleged, but this is doubtless due to the precaution of the scientist to escape an action for libel. Flatterers have often been accused of this vice, and Satellites are not much better. A "Star" on the stage might perhaps thus acknowledge the presence of a friend and admirer in the Stalls or in the charmed Circle. But for a Heavenly Body to be guilty of duplicity, and above all for a "Number One" Heavenly Body, is too much. No more will the simple lines

"Twinkle, twinkle, little Star!"

be true. No; if "Jupiter's Satellite No. 1" takes to such light conduct, then shall we, have to read

"Wink, O wink, you little Star!"

Yours, AN ASTRONOMER LOYAL.

FROM MASHONALAND.--Inspired by the success of ARTHUR B., of DE GORSTIBUS NON DISPUTANDUM, and of Sir KETTLE-DRUMMOND WOLFF, our GRANDOLPH meditates a surprise return to his own native land and to Parliamentary life. He announces his intention of changing his name, and will call himself "Lord NIL DESPERANDUM CHURCHILL." Hail to the modern Coeur-de-Lion!"

ONLY FANCY!

"What do you mean?" inquired Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., struggling out of the wreck of his hat.

"I mean it in a purely Pickwickian sense," said the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER , with a seraphic smile that disarmed controversy.

The GERMAN EMPEROR has lately rearranged his scheme of work for weekdays. From six A.M. to eight A.M. he gives lectures on Strategy and Tactics to Generals over forty years old. From eight to ten he instructs the chief actors, musicians and painters of Berlin in the principles of their respective arts. The hours from ten to twelve he devotes to the compilation of his Memoirs in fifty-four volumes. A limited edition of large-paper copies is to be issued. From twelve to four P.M. he reviews regiments, cashiers colonels, captures fortresses, carries his own dispatches to himself, and makes speeches of varying length to all who will listen to him. Any professional reporter found taking accurate notes of His Majesty's words is immediately blown from a Krupp gun with the new smokeless powder. From four to eight he tries on uniforms, dismisses Ministers and officials, dictates state-papers to General CAPRIVI, and composes his history of "How I pricked the Bismarck Bubble." From eight to eleven P.M. His Majesty teaches schoolmasters how to teach, wives how to attend to their families, bankers how to carry on their business, and cooks how to prepare dinners. The rest of the day he devotes to himself. On Thursday next His Majesty leaves Berlin on his tenth visit to the European Courts.

There is no truth in the report that the Lord CHANCELLOR is arranging a Christmas party, to which shall be invited all the members and connections of his family for whom he has found places during his term of office. It is well known that the accommodation at Lord HALSBURY's town residence is comparatively limited.

We regret to hear that Mr. JOHN O'CONNOR, M.P. , has decided to retire from political life. His personal experience during the Cork Election has convinced him that no man over 5 ft. 8 in. can safely take part in active politics.

"Bricks, dead cats, sections of chimney-pots, which flew harmless over the heads of the crowd, invariably struck me," said Mr. O'CONNOR, toying with the bandage over his left eyebrow.

It is quite true, as reported in the newspapers, that Dr. GUTTERIDGE was not present when the final result of the polling in the Strand was made known, and that it was explained to the reporter he had been "called out to see a patient." The suggestion that the undertaking of this hopeless contest was designed solely to lead up to this incident, is one worthy only of the diseased imagination of a professional rival, who has no patients to call him out--even from Church.

It is stated that Herr VON DER BLOWITZOWN-TROMP is about to retire from his supervision of universal affairs exercised through the Special Paris Wire of a contemporary. We are glad to learn that this intention does not in any case imply absolute disappearance from the European Stage. It is no secret in diplomatic circles that the Herr has been approached on the question of his ascending the throne of Bulgaria. His keen insight into European politics has convinced him that this arrangement would afford a settlement of an ever-ruffled question. He has, we understand, stipulated that the Principality shall be raised to the status of a Kingdom. "I have," he said to the Emissary of the Powers who approached him on the subject, "been so long accustomed to associate with Crowned Heads, that in a Principality I should feel like a fish out of water."

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