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Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 146 February 18 1914 by Various Seaman Owen Editor
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Editor: Owen Seaman
VOL. 146.
February 18, 1914
CHARIVARIA.
"I come," said Mr. LLOYD GEORGE last week, "from a farming stock right down from the Flood. The first thing a farmer wants is to be secure." It was of course during the Flood that the insecurity of land tenure was most noticeable.
Lord CARRICK, who a few months ago was appearing in a sketch at the Coliseum, seconded the Address in the House of Lords. We are glad to note the growth of ties between Parliament and the Stage, and we are not without hope that before long a further link will be added in the person of SIR GEORGE ALEXANDER.
A new form of flying boat is being built in America, in which it is hoped that somebody may fly from Newfoundland to Ireland in fifteen hours. In the event of Home Rule, we trust, for the sake of the intrepid aviator, that a still fleeter flying boat will be designed for the return journey.
A resident of Waltham Abbey has just received a letter with a Waltham Cross post-mark on the back of the envelope dated February, 31, 1914. We understand that the recipient proposes to return the letter to the Post Office marked "Date unknown."
With reference to the Old Time Supper which is to be a feature of the Chelsea Arts Club Ball we are requested to state that it must not be taken that all the food offered for consumption on that occasion will bear the stamp of antiquity.
An enterprising publisher has, it is rumoured, persuaded no less a personage than Mr. LLOYD GEORGE to write some books for him, and we are promised at an early date, "Essays on Lamb ," "The Fortunes of Montrose," and other works of creative fancy.
Messrs. BRYANT AND MAY have issued a brochure describing how little houses may be made out of matches. A companion volume, entitled "How to light them," by a Suffragette, may be expected shortly.
It is sometimes asked, Why do so few individuals when sentenced to death for murder take advantage of their right to appeal? The answer is, Because the Court of Criminal Appeal has the power of increasing a sentence.
"Samuel, in the spirit of a notorious member of his race, one Pontius Pilate, disavows all responsibility in the matter of the shooting of Englishmen in the Transvaal."
Modesty is all very well in its place, but to publish an area of over 400,000 square miles and then call the feat "Bric-?-Brac"--well!
"The full penalty of ?20 and costs was imposed at Croydon Borough Police-court upon Ernest Montefiore de Wilton, of St. James's-street, W., for exceeding the ten-mile limit at Southend on Jan. 25.
Mr. DE WILTON, reading the advertisement: "No, thanks. A really slow table for me."
THE STRIKE OF SCHOOL-TEACHERS.
What will it mean if this sort of thing spreads, as I fear it may? We shall have the children of our working-classes growing up ill-educated and with imperfect manners. Their spelling will become phonetic. They will cease to speak grammatically. They will lose their pleasing accent. Their lack of instruction in arithmetic may even lead them into errors savouring of criminality. Worse, they will fall back in their appreciation of music, art and poetry. They will be reading trashy and sensational literature rather than the classical works to which our elementary education directs their tastes.
To my mind, the condition of things is grave in the extreme, and for the sake of the children I beg the nation to wake up and put an end to conditions which make these strikes possible.
Yours obediently,
EDUCATIONAL REFORMER.
Sir,--The most promising event of last week was the delightful strike of school-teachers in that beautiful county of Hereford. Happy children, thus to be freed from the shackles of our so-called education. They will now go to the only school worth learning in--the school of Mother Nature; and if only the strike will continue long enough we shall see in years to come poets and painters and musicians making a glad procession from their Herefordshire homes to carry light and joy into our dark places.
Yours ecstatically,
VAVASOUR PRINGLE.
And a very good address for him.
Selection Committee's insight also right, evidently.
GUESS WHO IT IS.
She and her husband are sometimes at their beautiful place in Middleshire, and sometimes at their mansion in Belvenor Square. When they are not in England they are generally abroad. She is devoted to horse-riding, motoring, yachting, and ski-ing, but has not, like some of her set, forgotten how to walk. On the contrary, when in town she may occasionally be seen taking this old-fashioned form of exercise in the Park, placing one foot alternately before the other in her charmingly characteristic manner.
The subject of our article could have shone in any or all of the arts, had she cared to give her time and talents to them. Let it be said, too, that, though surrounded from her infancy with "all this world and all the glory of it," she has a serious side to her character, countenances the Church, and by no means discourages religion.
?2 A WEEK FOR LIFE.
DRAMATIC END TO SACK CRIME TRIAL.
?2 A WEEK FOR LIFE.
COOLEST FRAUD ON RECORD.
The Earl of ERROLL'S turn for congratulations will come when Lady DOROTHY has a birthday.
MR. PUNCH'S PANTOMIME ANALYSIS.
A. With a ship .
B. Without a ship. With a cave. Password to cave, "Open Sesame" . Password to cave, "Abracadabra" .
Without a cave .
A. With a ship. With a cat . Without a cat .
B. Without a ship. With a giant. With a cat . Without a cat. With a bean-stalk . Without a beanstalk .
Without a giant: With animals: sheep ; wolf ; goose ; uncertain ; two children .
Without animals. With footgear: shoes ; slippers . No particular footgear. With a "Jack" . Without a "Jack" .
Notice on a suite of furniture:--
"Monthly payments 12/6. They will last a lifetime."
Help!
ONE OF US--NOW.
"CINES" OF THE TIMES.
O advent of the age of gold, O happy day for proud papas When Hellas shall her tale unfold On secondary "cinemas"!
When "all the glory that was Greece And all the grandeur that was Rome" Shall hire on a perpetual lease The academic "Picturedrome."
O OVID on the screen for kids! O Helicon attained by 'bus! O filmographic Aeneids! O vitoscoped HERODOTUS!
Our boys shall note the sacred Nine Ascending their immortal peak, Also Apollo .
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