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Read Ebook: Voces Populi by Anstey F
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Ebook has 84 lines and 11231 words, and 2 pages
PAGE AN EVENING WITH A CONJUROR 1 AT THE TUDOR EXHIBITION 7 IN AN OMNIBUS 13 AT A SALE OF HIGH-CLASS SCULPTURE 19 AT THE GUELPH EXHIBITION 26 AT THE ROYAL ACADEMY 32 AT THE HORSE SHOW 38 AT A DANCE 44 AT THE BRITISH MUSEUM 50 THE TRAVELLING MENAGERIE 57 AT THE REGENT STREET TUSSAUD'S 62 AT THE MILITARY EXHIBITION 67 AT THE FRENCH EXHIBITION 73 IN THE MALL ON DRAWING-ROOM DAY 80 AT A PARISIAN CAF? CHANTANT 85 AT A GARDEN PARTY 90 AT THE MILITARY TOURNAMENT 95 FREE SPEECH 99 THE RIDING-CLASS 104 THE IMPROMPTU CHARADE-PARTY 110 A CHRISTMAS ROMP 115 ON THE ICE 121 IN A FOG 127 BRICKS WITHOUT STRAW 131 AT A MUSIC HALL 136 A RECITATION UNDER DIFFICULTIES 142 BANK HOLIDAY 147 A ROW IN THE PIT; OR, THE OBSTRUCTIVE HAT 153
VOCES POPULI
This is a stale old trick, he merely--. But you wait and see how I'll score off him over it!
THE M. IN E. D. . On the contrary, there are several little things there belonging to me, which I'll thank you to give me back by-and-by.
THE M. IN E. D. Invariably--to keep my head cool; so hand them over, please; I want them.
HIS COMPANION . Don't speak so loud. If they know you've come in here fresh, you'll get turned out!
PATRONISING PERSONS . 'Pon my word, no idea they turned out such good work in those times--very creditable to them, really.
BEFORE THE PORTRAITS.
'ARRY. There's old 'Enery the Eighth, you see--that's 'im right enough; him as 'ad all those wives, and cut every one of their 'eds off!
'ARRIET . Ah, I knew we shouldn't want a Catalogue.
THE INT. P. Wonderfully Holbein's caught the character of the man--the--er--curious compound of obstinacy, violence, good-humour, sensuality, and--and so on. No mistaking a Holbein--you can tell him at once by the extraordinary finish of all the accessories. Now look at that girdle--isn't that Holbein all over?
FLIPPANT P. Not quite all over, old fellow. Catalogue says it's painted by Paris Bordone.
F. P. Does Froude say how he got that nasty one on the side of his nose?
A VISITOR. Looks overfed, don't he?
A GRIM OLD LADY OPPOSITE. And I only hope, my dear, you'll never be taken for any one less respectable.
A FACETIOUS BIDDER. Which of 'em's the finger and which the toe?
AUCT. . I should have thought it was easy to identify by the attitude. Now, Gentlemen, give me a bidding for these very finely-executed works by Bimbi. Make any offer. What will you give me for 'em? Both very sweet things, Gentlemen. Shall we say ten guineas?
A GRUBBY MAN. Give yer five.
MR. GRIMES . Two-and-six!
FIRST CRITICAL VISITOR . I wonder where that was taken. In Scotland, I expect--there's two Highlanders there, you see.
MR. C. I suppose you have--er--been to the Military Exhibition?
MISS T. R. No--not yet. What do you think of it?
FIANC?E. Lor! They did queer things in those days, didn't they? Who's that?
FIANC?E . What!--not young Adney down our street? I didn't know as he'd been took in stone.
THIRD S. . I expect they've put it up 'ere as a sarmple like.
THE MORALIZING MATRON. How it makes one realize that there were giants in those days!
IN FRONT OF THE LIONS' DEN DURING PERFORMANCE.
At the Regent Street Tussaud's.
WELL-INFORMED VISITOR. That's Dr. Koch, making his great discovery!
IN THE CHILDREN'S GALLERY.
PERCY. I suppose it is Stanley--but it's not very like.
PERCY. Ah, you see, Grandfather, you had more time for general reading than we get. Hallo, a Dog and a Cat. Not badly stuffed!
AT THE FOLIES-BERG?RE.
SHOWMAN . Amphitrite, the Marvellous Floatin' Goddess Just about to commence! This way for the Mystic Gallery--three illusions for threepence! Atalanta, the Silver Queen of the Moon; the Oriental Beauty in the Table of the Sphinx, and the Wonderful Galatea, or Pygmalion's Dream. Only threepence! This way for the Mystic Marvel o' She! Now commencing!
A FEMALE SIGHTSEER Shall we go in, just to see what it's like?
FEMALE ARTISTE --
Pour notre Exposition, Il faut nous faire imposition! &c., &c.
SECOND B. . What's that she's saying?
FIRST B. . Eh?--oh! I'll tell you afterwards.
. Ha, George Washington, Sar. I'll warm you fur dat ar conduck!
FIRST B. . Oh, yes; you soon get into the accent.
A VERY EARNEST RADICAL. The Scaffild!
THE SOCIALIST. Fellow-Citizens, I appeal to you, give this man rope--he's doing our work splendidly!
THE CHAIRMAN . Fellow citizens, we've listened to this man long enough--these sentiments are an insult to the meeting!
MRS. B.-K. He's very rude to all the Class, except dear Robert--but then Robert has such a nice easy seat.
MRS. B.-K. . Bob, are you quite sure you're safe? His horse is snorting so dreadfully!
ASSIST. R. M. This lot don't look much like going over 'urdles--'cept in front o' the 'orse, but I'll tell the Captain.
The Impromptu Charade-Party.
MISS LARKSPUR. We ought to make a continuous story of it, with the same plot and characters all through. We did that once at the Grange, and it was awfully good--just like a regular Comedy!
MISS ROSE. Only you've driven them all out of our heads again!
THE CHILDREN. Then do you give it up? Do you want to be told? Why, it's staring you in the face all the time!
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