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Read Ebook: How to Solve Conundrums Containing All the Leading Conundrums of the Day Amusing Riddles Curious Catches and Witty Sayings by Anonymous
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Ebook has 1236 lines and 31490 words, and 25 pages
Why is green grass like a mouse? Because the cattle eat it .
Why is tea more generally drunk now than a year or two back? Because, having got rid of the garroters, we are less accustomed to choke-o'-late .
When is a superb woman like bread? When given as a toast.
There's a word composed of three letters alone Which reads backwards and forwards the same; It expresses the sentiments warm from the heart, And to beauty lays principal claim!
Eye.
Why is it impossible for a swell who lisps to believe in the existence of young ladies? Because he calls every Miss a Myth.
What Christian name, besides Anna, reads the same both ways? Hannah.
A Fiddle D.D.--A doctor of divinity who plays the violin.
Why is a whisper like a forged note? Because it's uttered--but not aloud .
What river is ever without a beginning and ending? S-ever-n.
Which is the coldest river? The Ice is .
When a boy falls into the water, what is the first thing he does? He gets wet!
When can an Irish servant answer two questions at the same time? When asked, "What o'clock, and where's the cold chicken?" if she replies, "Sure it's ate!"
Who was the first man condemned to hard labor for life? Adam.
What, oh! what is a kiss? A receipt given you by a lady on paying your addresses.
What herb is most injurious to a lady's beauty? Thyme.
When does a man have to keep his word? When no one will take it.
Why are hogs more intelligent than humans? Because they nose everything?
Why is the French cook at the Union Club like a man sitting on the top of a shot-tower? Because they are both in a high cool an' airy situation!
Why does a puss purr? For an obvious pur-puss.
Talking about colts , how is it that guns can kick when they have no legs? Why, they kick with their breeches, of course.
What plant is fatal to mice? Cat-nip!
Who were your grandfather's first cousin's sister's son's brother's forefathers? Why, his aunt's sisters, of course .
What fashionable game do frogs play at--besides leap-frog? Croaky!
When are kisses sweetest? When sirup-titiously obtained.
Who was the first whistler, and what tune did he whistle? The wind--"Over the hills and far away!"
Why is a youth encouraging a mustache like a cow's tail? Because he grows down.
What contains more feet in winter than in summer? A skating-rink.
When may you be said to literally "drink in" music? When you have a piano for tea.
If you were invited to an assembly, what single word would call the musicians to their posts, and at the same time tell you the hour to begin dancing? At ten dance .
What word is there of eight letters which has five of them the same? Oroonoko.
What is the difference between homicide and pig-sticking? One is assault with intent to kill, the other a kill with intent to salt.
Why do rusty iron spikes on a wall remind you of ice? Because they are so often called a "shiver de freeze."
Why is a room full of married folks like a room empty? Because there is not a single person in it.
What is that which makes everything visible, but is itself unseen? Light.
My first's a dirty little brute, My second's at the end on't; My third, like many an honest man, Is on a fool dependent.
Pig-tail.
Why does the lightning turn milk sour? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Why was Eve made? For Adam's Express Company.
What are the most disagreeable articles for a man to keep on hand? Hand-cuffs.
Which one of the Seven Wonders of the World are locomotive engines like? The coal-horses of roads .
Why is a judge's nose like the middle of the earth? Because it's the center of gravity.
An old maid's laugh--he! he! he!
Why is a pretty girl's pleased-merry-bright-laughing eye no better than an eye destroyed? Because it's an-eye-elated.
What is the first thing you do when you get into bed? You make an impression.
What's the difference between a professional piano-forte player and one that hears him? One plays for his pay, the other pays for his play.
What makes a pet dog wag his tail when he sees his master? Because he's got one to wag.
What stone should have been placed at the gate of Eden after the expulsion? Adam ain't in!
My number, definite and known, Is ten times ten, told ten times o'er; Though half of me is one alone, And half exceeds all count and score.
Thou-sand.
At what time was Adam married? Upon his wedding Eve.
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