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Read Ebook: Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine Vol. 65 No. 400 February 1849 by Various
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Ebook has 43 lines and 2977 words, and 1 pages
Page.
The Bee--The Beet--The Beetle. 1.
The Ant--The Pheas-ant. 2.
The Bunny--The Tunny. 3.
The Eel--The Eelephant. 4.
The Puss--The Octo-pus. 5.
The Gnu--The Newt. 6.
The Hare--The Harrier. 8.
The Pipe-fish--The Sea-gar. 9.
The Cow--The Cowry. 10.
The Doe--The Dodo. 11.
The Ray--The Raven. 12.
The Coot--The Bandicoot. 14.
The Ape--The Grape. 16.
The Elk--The Whelk. 17.
The Cross-Bill--The Sweet-William. 18.
The Pitcher-Plant--The Fly-Catcher. 19.
The Antelope--The Cantelope. 20.
The P-Cock--The Q-Cumber. 22.
The Pen-guin--The Sword-fish. 23.
The Yellow-Hammer--The Saw-fish. 24.
The Pansy--The Chim-pansy. 26.
Naught--Argonaut. 27.
Author's Add-end-'em. 28.
Good Mr. Darwin once contendeds That Beetles were from Bees descended; And as my pictures show, I think, The Beet must be the missing-link. The Sugar-Beet and Honey-Bee Supply the Beetle's pedigree: The family is now complete,-- The Bee, the Beetle and the Beet.
The Ant is known by his ant-ennae, Where-as the pheas-ant hasn't any, And that is why he wears, instead, A small red cap upon his head: Without his Fez, indeed the pheasant Would be quite bald and quite un-Pleasant.
The marked aversion which we feel, When in the presence of the Eel, Makes many view with consternation, The Elephant's front ele-vation. Such folly must be clearly due To their peculiar point of view.
The Gnu conspicuously wears His coat of gnumerous bristling hairs, While, as we see, the modest Newt Of such a coat is destitute. In point of fact the Newt is nude, And therefore he does not obtrude, But hides in some secluded gnook, Beneath the surface of the brook: It's almost more than he can bear, To slyly take his breath of air, His need of which is absolute, Because, you see, he is a Pneu-t.
This stands for air, like aero-static, Greek--"pneumos"--air--comp-air "pneu-matic".
The Harrier, harassed by the Hare, Presents a picture of despair; Altho' as far as I'm concerned, I love to see the tables turned. The Harrier flies with all his might, It is a harum-scare'm flight: I'm not surprised he does not care To meet the fierce pursuing Hare!
To smoke a herring is to make A most lamentable mistake, Particularly since there are The Pipe-fish and the long Sea-gar: Bear this in mind when next you wish To smoke your after-dinner fish.
The Cowry seems to be, somehow, A sort of mouth-piece for the Cow: A speaking likeness one might say, Which I've endeavored to portray.
I do not wish to at-tri-bute Importance to the common Coot, Or mud-hen, whom most persons scorn, Because she chanced to be "Earth-born". The small Australian Bandicoots Are said to spring from Kanga-roots, Which roots, as you of course foresee, Are those of their ancestral tree, The motto of which vegetable Is just "O possum" .
The Bandicoot and Kangaroo, As well as the Opossum too, Are relatives because all three Belong to the same family.
The Apes, from whom we are descended, Hang ape-x down from trees suspended, And since we find them in the trees, We term them arbor-iginees. We all have seen the monkey-shines, Cut up by those who pluck from vines The Grape and then subject its juices To Baccha-nalian abuses.
A roar of welkome through the welkin Is certain proof you'll find the Elk "in"; But if you listen to the shell, In which the Whelk is said to dwell, And hear a roar, beyond a doubt It indicates the Whelk is "out".
No-body but an imbecile Mistakes Sweet William for Cross Bill; And even I can scarcely claim The skill to make them look the same, Which proves there's nothing in a name.
The Pitcher Plant we may define, The flower of the base-ball nine; This name perhaps the plant belies, For Pitcher Plants sometimes catch flies; The "Fly"-Catcher we educate To firmly stand behind the plate, To stop, and treat with circumspection, Whatever comes in his direction.
The Antelope and Cantelope Lie side by side upon the slope, And careless persons might, I fear, Mistake the melon for the deer. If you will tap the Cantelope, reposing on the ground, It does not move, but just emits a melon-choly sound; But should you try, however, to apply a stethoscope, And attempt this auscultation on the antlered Antelope, And should see an imitation of a very rapid flight, And should say, "It is the Antelope!" I think you would be right.
The striking similarity of this P-Q-liar pair, No longer need en-cumber us or fill us with despair; The P-Cock and the Q-Cumber you never need confuse. If you pay attention to the I's and mind your P's and Q's.
Observe how Nature's necromancies Have clearly painted on the Pansies These almost human counte-nances, In yellow, blue and black nu-ances. The face, however, seems to me To be that of the Chimpanzee, A fact which makes the gentle Pansy Appeal no longer to my fancy.
The Argonaut or Nautilus, With habits quite adventurous, A combination of a snail, A jelly-fish and paper sail. The parts of him that did not jell Are packed securely in his shell. It is not strange that when I sought To find his double, I found naught.
Author's Add-end-'em.
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