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Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 109 July 13 1895 by Various Burnand F C Francis Cowley Editor
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Editor: Francis Burnand
VOL. 109.
JULY 13, 1895.
OPERATIC NOTES.
ROUNDABOUT READINGS.
At the Oxford and Cambridge Athletic Sports on Wednesday last, great surprise was expressed at the defeat of the hitherto invincible Mr. C. B. FRY by Mr. MENDELSON in the Long Jump. Mr. MENDELSON, who comes to us from New Zealand, has not only done a fine performance, but he has also jumped into fame. It is at any rate obvious that it is quite impossible for him to represent his University in the High Jump, for
With a musical name , This youth from New Zealand is bound to go far. He couldn't jump high, since No master of music e'er misses a bar.
The Long Jump, snatched like a brand from the burning, practically gave the victory in the whole contest to Cambridge, who also won the Weight, the Mile, the Three Miles and the Quarter.
The Light Blues triumphed, fortune being shifty; They cheered FITZHERBERT sprinting home in fifty. For strength the weight-man's parents have a hot son, Witness the put of youthful Mr. WATSON. LUTYENS, who always pleases as he goes, Romped in, his glasses poised upon his nose. And none that day with greater dash and go ran Than the Light Blue three-miler, Mr. HORAN.
A Newcastle contemporary has been discussing the art of adding to the beauty of women by the use of cosmetics, &c. May I commend the following extract to the notice of the ladies of England?
"No woman is capable of being beautiful who is capable of being false. The true art of assisting beauty consists in embellishing the whole person by the ornaments of virtuous and commendable qualities. How much nobler is the contemplation of beauty when it is heightened by virtue! How faint and spiritless are the charms of a coquette, when compared with the loveliness of innocence, piety, good-humour, and truth--virtues which add a new softness to their sex, and even beautify their beauty! That agreeableness possessed by the modest virgin is now preserved in the tender mother, the prudent friend, and the faithful wife. Colours artfully spread upon canvas may entertain the eye, but not touch the heart; and she who takes no care to add to the natural graces of her person, noble qualities, may amuse as a picture, but not triumph as a beauty."
Cheltenham is a pleasant place. I quote from a memory which is, I know, miserably defective:
Year by year do England's daughters In the fairest gloves and shawls Troop to drink the Cheltenham waters, And adorn the Cheltenham balls.
This is not the place that one would naturally associate with violent language over so small a matter as the rejection of some plans. A quarrel, however, has taken place in the Town Council, and terrible words have been spoken:--
"In the course of a discussion on the rejection of some plans, Mr. MARGRETT accused the acting chairman of the Streets Committee with being influenced by personal and political motives against the person who sent them in. Mr. PARSONAGE warmly retorted with the lie direct, and told Mr. MARGRETT that he knew he was lying. Mr. LENTHALL accused Mr. PARSONAGE of being 'slip-shod' in his method of bringing up the minutes of the Streets Committee, because he had passed over without comment a dispute between the Corporation and the Board of Guardians. While denying this imputation, Mr. PARSONAGE said he would even prefer to be 'slip-shod' than to follow Mr. LENTHALL'S example of giving utterance to a long-winded and frothy oration over such a trumpery matter as a road fence."
After this I quite expected to read that some one--
... raised a point of order, when A chunk of old red sandstone took him in the abdomen, And he smiled a sort of sickly smile and curled upon the floor! And the subsequent proceedings interested him no more.
But the matter seems to have dropped, and everything to have ended peacefully--a great and bitter disappointment to all lovers of ructions.
HER PREVIOUS SWEETHEART.
GREAT WHEEL GOSSIP.
Are you quite sure that it is safe?
Well, there have been all sorts of stories about this sort of thing, but I don't believe it. The PRINCE went, you know.
Oh, yes, of course. Then that's all right. Now we are off. How interesting! We can see the tops of the houses! But what are we waiting for?
Oh, for other passengers to get into the cars. How long does it take?
About three-quarters of an hour. Well, now we are off again.
Why, there is a mist, and we can't see anything.
Oh, yes, we can. Why, that must be either Kensington Gardens, Hyde Park Corner, or Battersea Park.
Don't think there is much in it. And why are we stopping?
People getting in and out. Well, now we have had thirty-five minutes of it, I shall be glad to be home.
Oh, here we are. Now we can get out. Come, that is nice!
After two journeys I think the best way of thoroughly enjoying the Wheel is to sit fast, close your eyes, and think of something else!
IN THE EARL'S COURT INDIA.
IN BOMBAY STREET, INDIAN CITY. TIME--ABOUT EIGHT P.M.
THE OLD CHIEFTAIN'S FAREWELL.
It was a' for our Glorious Cause I sought fair Scotland's strand; It was a' for fair, rightfu' laws To bless the Irish land, My dear; To bless the Irish land.
Now a' is done that man could do, And a' seems done in vain, My loved Midlothian, farewell, I mauna stand again, My dear; I canna stand again.
For fifteen lang an' happy years, That ne'er may be forgot, We have foregathered, loved, and fought. Fare farther I may not, My dear; Fare farther may I not.
Yet say not that our love has failed, Or that our battle's lost; Were I yet young I'd fight again, And never count the cost, My dear; And never count the cost.
Tegither we've won mony a fight, You following where I led; But now late Winter's chilling snows Are gatherin' round my head, My dear; Are gatherin' round my head.
And times will change, and Chieftains pass. Lang time I've borne the brunt Of war; and now I'm glad to see CARMICHAEL to the front, My dear; Sir TAMMY to the front.
A champion stout, I mak nae doubt, He'll carry on my task. To see ye braw and doing weel, Henceforth is a' I ask. My dear; Henceforth is a' I ask.
True Scot am I--Midlothian's heart I won. Now I fare far, And leave a younger chieftain, TAM, To lead the Lowland war, My dear; To lead the Lowland war!
He turned him right and round about Upon the Scottish shore. He gae his bonnet plume a shake, With "Adieu for evermore, My dear; Adieu for evermore!
"ROSEBERY will from fight return, Wi' loss or else wi' gain; But I am parted from my love, Never to meet again, My dear; Never to meet again.
"When day is gone, and night is come, A' folk are fain to rest; I'll think on thee, though far awa', While pulse throbs in this breast, My dear; While pulse throbs in my breast!"
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
THE BARON DE BOOK-WORMS.
New Carillon at the Royal Exchange.
The tunes are admirably selected. First air every morning, "I know a Bank," to be known as "The Morning Air."
SCRAPS FROM CHAPS.
A REAL UNCROWNED KING.--At a meeting of the Town Commissioners of Kinsale, a report of the proceedings discloses a conversation of a truly remarkable kind--
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