Homepage
Login
Profile
BookClubs
dmBox
Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 109 September 7 1895 by Various Burnand F C Francis Cowley Editor
Font size:
Background color:
Text color:
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page
Ebook has 169 lines and 15003 words, and 4 pages
Editor: Sir Francis Burnand
VOL. 109.
SEPTEMBER 7, 1895.
THAT POOR PENNY DREADFUL!
I have gloated o'er many a duel, I've heard of DON PEDRO the Cruel: Heart pulsing at high rate, I've read how my Pirate Gave innocent parties their gruel.
FOR WHEEL OR WOE.
The Rural District Council at Chester resolved recently to station men on the main roads leading into the city to count the number of cyclists, with a view to estimating what revenue would accrue from a cycle tax. Extremely high and public-spirited of the Chester authorities to take the matter up. These dwellers by the Dee ought to adopt as their motto, "The wheel has come full cycle."
THE RAILWAY RACE.
A new British sport has arisen, or rather has, after a seven years' interval, been revived within the last week or so, and the British sporting reporter, so well-known for his ready supply of vivid and picturesque metaphor, has, as usual, risen to the occasion. That large and growing class of sedentary "sportsmen," whose athletic proclivities are confined to the perusal of betting news, have now a fresh item of interest to discuss in the performances of favourite and rival locomotives. More power has been added to the elbows of the charming and vociferous youths, who push their way through the London streets with the too familiar cry of "Win-nerr!" . And the laborious persons who assiduously compile "records" have enough work to do to keep pace with their daily growing collection. Even the mere "Man in the Street" knows the amount of rise in the Shap Fell and Potter's Bar gradients, though possibly, if you cross-question him, he could not tell you where they are. However, the great daily and evening papers are fully alive to the occasion, and the various sporting "Majors" and "Prophets" are well to the fore with such "pars" as the following:--
Flying Buster, that smart and rakish yearling from the Crewe stud, was out at exercise last evening with a light load of eighty tons, and did some very satisfactory trials.
Invicta, the remarkably speedy East Coast seven-year-old, made a very good show in her run from Grantham to York yesterday. She covered the 80-1/2 miles in 78 minutes with Driver TOMKINS up, and a weight of some 120 tons, without turning a hair. She looked extremely well-trained, and I compliment her owners on her appearance.
Really something ought to be done with certain of the Southern starters. I will name no names, but I noticed one the other day whose pace was more like thirty hours a mile than thirty miles an hour. I have heard of donkey-engines, and this one would certainly win a donkey race.
These long-distance races are, no doubt, excellent tests for the strength and stamina of our leading cross-country "flyers," but I must enter a protest against the abnormally early hours at which the chief events are now being pulled off. A sporting reporter undergoes many hardships for the good of the public, but not the least is the disagreable duty of being in at the finish at Aberdeen, say at 4.55 A.M. The famous midnight steeple-chase was nothing to it.
There was some very heavy booking last night at Euston, and Puffing Billy the Second was greatly fancied. He has much finer action and bigger barrel than his famous sire, not to mention being several hands higher. It is to be hoped that he will not turn out a roarer, like the latter.
There are dark rumours abroad that the King's Cross favourite has been got at. She was in the pink of condition two days ago; but when I saw her pass at Peterborough to-day, she was decidedly touched in the wind. The way she laboured along was positively distressing. Besides, she was sweating and steaming all over.
I will wire my prophecies for to-day as soon as I know the results.
THE SHUNTER.
CHARACTER OF THE HAPPY "COPPER."
Who is the happy "Copper"? Who is he
Whom every Man in Blue should wish to be?
--It is the placid spirit, who, when brought
Near drunken men, and females who have fought,
Surveys them with a glance of sober thought;
Whose calm endeavours check the nascent fight,
And "clears the road" from watchers fierce and tight.
Who, doomed to tramp the slums in cold or rain,
Or put tremendous traffic in right train,
In face of danger shows a placid power,
Which is our human nature's highest dower;
Controls crowds, roughs subdues, outwitteth thieves,
Comforts lost kids, yet ne'er a tip receives
For objects which he would not care to state.
Cool-headed, cheery, and compassionate;
Though skilful with his fists, of patience sure , And menaced much, still able to endure.
--'Tis he who is Law's vassal; who depends
Upon that Law as freedom's best of friends;
Drink that in quality is not the best,
The Perfect Bobby brings cool reason's test
To shocks and shindies, and street-blocking shows;
--Who, conscious of his power of command
Stays with a nod, and checks with lifted hand,
And bids this van advance, that cab retire,
According to his judgment and desire;
Who comprehends his trust, and to the same
Keeps true with stolid singleness of aim;
And therefore does not stoop nor lie in wait
For beery guerdon, or for bribery's bait;
Thieves he must follow; should a cab-horse fall,
A lost child bellow, a mad woman squall,
His powers shed peace upon the sudden strife,
And crossed concerns of common civic life,
Add to tbrJar First Page Next Page