Read Ebook: Punch or the London Charivari Vol. 109 September 28 1895 by Various

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Ebook has 751 lines and 61431 words, and 16 pages

He drew ugly little figures just like evil little imps, With ugly little bodies of the hue of parboiled shrimps, With ugly little faces of a subterhuman sort, Each a dark Gehenna phantom or unnatural Stygian "sport."

He limned ugly little mannikins as pale as tallow dips, And ugly unsexed women with protuberant under lips, With ugly scarlet tresses, or with sable porters'-knots, And with noses like a satyr's, and with eyes like inky blots.

He daubed ugly little backgrounds, all as meaningless as mud, And ugly little sunsets all suggesting fire and blood, And ugly little arabesques which little seemed to mean, Yet were commonly suggestive of the cruel and unclean.

MRS. MAMMON.

PSYCHOPHILOPHRENOPHYSIOGNOMY.

Always, in conversing with a chance acquaintance you may meet in the street, gaze steadily at the brim of his hat, or study his necktie with a fixed and critical stare. This will make him think there is something wrong. He will fidget, and become nervous, revealing the inmost secrets of his soul. You then easily bag your instantaneous view, and depart abruptly with triumph. He will cut you dead next time, but that doesn't matter. You have added him to your collection, and can sail in quest of fresh specimens.

If, on the other hand, your lady victims resent their head-gear or hair-dye being too closely examined, you must fall back on mental arithmetic. Calculate how many barleycorns it would take to go round the equator, or how many white beans there are in five black ones. If these sums are too hard to be done on the spur of the moment, work them out at home, and learn the results by heart, before sallying forth on your head-hunting expeditions.

Never ask a policeman without scanning narrowly his features, nor, if sitting behind a 'bus-driver, omit to secure his profile. Interview every crossing-sweeper you pass. Organ-grinders, also, are fairly inexpensive material to work upon. All these common objects are readily accessible, and frequently prove perfect mines of character, if you only dig deep enough below the surface. But the earnest explorer will find the countenances of cabmen to be the most remunerative phreno-physiognomical studies. Never mind their remarks if you can enrich your note-book with some hitherto undiscovered trait of human nature, with the inner meaning of some mysterious wrinkle, or with the true poetry of a wayward wart. Return home happy if the day's achievements include the decipherment of a mole on a flower-girl's cheek, or the translation of some rare tint of colour-music on the nose of some loafer near a pub.

Do not be content with the stores of face-reading lore that have been already acquired. Each day fresh secrets should be revealed. For instance, it has only recently been ascertained that one freckle on the tip of the nose means a disposition to borrow money without returning it; that three pimples in a row across the forehead indicate unpunctuality and insubordination; or that a droop of the left eyelid signifies habitual impecuniosity. It is still a moot point whether a nose can be both Quixotic and witty, and how to read a promiscuous eyebrow when combined with a constant upper lip. These, and many other mysteries, are waiting to be laid bare by the amateur but ardent face delineator.

THE WHY AND THE WHEREFORE.

And Porter does not reply, "'Cos I want to know," but puts a label on passenger's portmanteau accordingly.

"AND I HOPE YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND?"

TOM THE GOLFER.

"Cheer, Boys, Cheer!"

"Cheer, boys, cheer! No more of idle sorrow. Courage, brave hearts, will bear us on our way!" Tickets I've got for Drury Lane to-morrow. Cheer, boys, cheer! I am going to see that play!

Ladies desirous of "trying their luck" in the matter of marrying a title, had better turn their attention towards St. Petersburg, where a French Count has made the novel proposal of starting a lottery--with himself as the prize. A million tickets are to be issued at one rouble each. The winner is to receive, in addition to an aristocratic husband, the sum of 250,000 roubles; the Count himself will pocket a quarter of a million; and the remaining half of the money is to be divided between charity and the promoters of the "raffle." In the Parisian parlance of the boulevards, this enterprising nobleman is decidedly a "roublard."

ROUNDABOUT READINGS.

West Bromwich's Committee-men, they fairly tore their hair. In all West Bromwich's expanse they could not find a Mayor. Each deputy with anguish notes his prematurely shed lock, But, dash it, what are men to do confronted by a deadlock? Each portly Alderman his Aldermanic self excuses, In vain they try the Councillors, for every one refuses. Declined with thanks by ROLLASON, the honour next they proffer To BUSHELL, who, in turn, declines their most obliging offer. Next, moving on, they tempt again their ex-Mayor, Mr. SLATER, "Be thou," they cry, with emphasis, "our mayoral dictator. With badge and chain and gown of fur it's not a paltry billet; The breach is ready-made," they say; "step into it and fill it. A vacuum a nuisance is, we ask thee to abate it; Our edifice is roofless now, climb up and promptly slate it."

It appears, moreover, that CAIN and ABEL lived in Central America, and that the mausoleum of ABEL is still to be seen in Yucatan, with all the inscriptions complete. Somehow or other a migration to Egypt then took place, and the Sphinx was erected by ABEL'S widow as a monument to her murdered husband. All this has been discovered by M. LE PLONGEON; and, to confirm the truth of the story, Mr. W. T. STEAD is to publish it, bound in buckram, of course. "JULIA'S" share in this discovery is not stated, but there can be no doubt that she must have been hovering round.

I am told that Cheshire cheese is in a bad way; that the price of it has fallen so much as to make the total disappearance of Cheshire cheese extremely likely. At the same time it is said that Cheshire cheese is going down because the farmers wilfully produce an inferior article. It may be so, though I hope it is not. But if it is, why delay the punishment? To produce inferior cheese is as bad as robbery with violence; and a dozen or so with a Cheshire cat ought to prove an effective deterrent to the most hardened offender.

TRAVELLER'S CONVERSATION BOOK.

I can assure you that I had no idea of treating Russia with disrespect.

I was not born at the time of the Crimean War, and know nothing whatever of the battles of the Alma, Inkermann, and Balaclava.

I really only require breakfast, and have no intention of sketching the walls of that fortress.

I was asking the waiter to clean my boots, and not for information concerning the strength of the garrison.

I was not aware that the place had been declared a naval port, and was therefore sacred from foreign invasion.

As a matter of fact, I was not searching for torpedoes, but only taking a sea bath.

I am sorry that it has been necessary to confiscate my Gladstone bag, as it contains my linen and toilet requisites.

Certainly my bath sponge is not an explosive.

It certainly was not intended to create a riot at Moscow.

It surely is unnecessary to cover me with chains.

It seems to me harsh treatment to deprive me of all my goods and chattels, and then refuse to allow me to communicate with the British Ambassador.

Well, of course, if I must go I must, and I suppose I ought to thank you for securing my ticket.

But surely you have made a mistake. I wished a ticket for Hampstead.

As an example of this first point, the turned candlestick with the candle supported by a stack of turned balls alternating with tauri or thin discs tends to obscure completely the sense of support. Again, the landscape gardener feels that he is violating a fundamental principle in design if by planting vines to grow around a building, he obscures the foundation, and the roof appears, consequently, to rest on and be supported by the stems and leaves of the vines. Thus it is seen that the eye registers a sense of structural weakness when the main supports of an object disappear and are no longer to be traced under the enrichment.

Under the second point falls the indiscriminate placing of unrelated objects in the contour enrichment. Naturalistic objects similar to the claw foot and the human head, for example, should give way to natural curves that add to the appearance of total strength. Where are we to find these curves suited to our purpose?

Up to this point emphasis has been placed upon straight and curved lines immediately connected with pure service. For grace and lightness it is necessary to depart at times from the rigidity of straight lines. To understand the character of this departure let us consider a simple bracket as a support for a shelf.

This bracket acts as a link, connecting a vertical wall or leg with a horizontal member or shelf. A bracket shaped like a 45-degree triangle, Figure 10, page 24, gives one the sense of clumsiness. If the feeling of grace is to be imparted the eye must move smoothly along the outline of the bracket, giving one a sensation of aesthetic pleasure. A curved line will produce this effect more completely than will a straight line. One must likewise get the feeling that the curve of the bracket is designed to support the shelf.

THE CURVE OF FORCE

We have classed the bracket as a link connecting a vertical and horizontal structure. Mouldings may likewise be considered as links connecting similar horizontal or vertical surfaces by bands of graded forms. Inasmuch as they effect the outline they are considered in this chapter. As the mouldings are to assist the eye to make the jump from one surface to another by easy steps, the position from which the mouldings are to be seen determines to some extent their design.

Architectural design and history have formulated a series of curves, geometric in character, that are regarded as standards in the Industrial Arts. Some of the more prominent curves with their constructions are shown in Figure 79. The horizontal divisions are analyzed in accordance with Rules 2a and 2b. It is noticed that the Scotia possesses a curve having the shape of the curve of force, while the two Cymas are saved from monotonous division by means of their reversed curves, illustrating the contrast of direction. The curves of Figure 80 are excellent lines for freehand practice in designing mouldings and will develop the principle of continuity of curvature or the smooth transition of one curve into the next.

Large objects designed to be seen from a distance require larger space divisions for their mouldings than do small objects seen from a nearer point. Material affects the curve somewhat. Smaller mouldings are more suited to the expensive woods like mahogany while larger curves may be used in pine or oak.

We now have at our command a number of interesting and serviceable curves suited to the material. Plate 22 is a sheet of applications. Figures 87 to 94 deal with the book-rack end and in this, as in the initial chapter, architecture is referred to as the source for many laws of industrial design. It has seemed wise to illustrate some of these important parallels as follows:

We will assume the type of joint construction of the book-rack end as settled and the question of enrichment to be under consideration.

Figure 87 is a simple primary mass without enrichment. It is comparable to the plain box-like structure with monotonous outline and without interest. The eye follows the outline in the direction of the arrows, pausing at the square corners, which interrupt a free movement by a harsh right angle. The base repeats in each instance the lines of the primary mass.

Figure 88. Round corners, by freeing the design from the right angles, accelerate the eye movement and give a sense of added interest and grace to the contour.

Figure 89. The cornice of a building suggests a similar arrangement which may be added to the primary mass. It adds the element of contrast of direction and variety of widths.

Figure 90. The main primary mass of a building with two equal appendages will suggest the enrichment of the outline in sympathy with three vertical divisions. Rule 3b. The rounded corners again assist the eye to travel freely around the contours, thus giving a sense of unity to the entire form.

Figure 91. The pediment of a Greek temple with the interest centered at the top of the pediment causes a similar concentration of interest in the book-rack end. The slight inclination of the sides supplies variety of widths. The architect considers an object with the interest centered in this manner in the upper portion, as possessing more individuality than a motive with purely horizontal lines across the top boundary.

Figure 92. In this figure the curved inclination facilitates the upward movement of the eye, at the same time supplying variety of width.

Figure 93. The addition of an appendage to the outline of the Greek temple suggests a slight drop or variation in the top edge of the book-rack end which gives increased interest and grace through variety.

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