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Read Ebook: Anecdotes of the Great War Gathered from European Sources by Case Carleton B Carleton Britton Compiler
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Ebook has 1729 lines and 35693 words, and 35 pages
Transcriber's note:
Text enclosed by underscores is in italics .
Text enclosed by equal signs is in bold face .
ANECDOTES OF THE GREAT WAR
Gathered from European Sources
CARLETON B. CASE
Shrewesbury Publishing Co. Chicago
FOREWORD
THERE have been occasions, even in this greatest of world's conflicts, when
"Grim-visag'd war hath smoothed his wrinkled front,"
and stopped fighting long enough to smile.
It could not be all slaughter and struggle, this war, or every combatant on the long, weary battle-line would go mad. There must be relaxation from the terrible tension. And there is.
Human nature proves to be much the same in time of stress as under more cheerful circumstances, and the lads at the front, in the trenches, and even in the hospitals, as well as the sad-hearted folks left behind, are quick to catch at any incident, however trivial, that shall relieve the strain by a suggestion of mirthfulness; a mild paliative for the awfulness of things as they are.
In all wars there are amusing happenings; still but few are ever recorded, so overshadowed are they by more momentous matters. And now, while shrapnel and gas-bombs are still fouling the European air and tremendous events that make history for a whole world are being enacted daily, seems the most fitting time to gather such material as the European press affords, to exhibit the lighter side of the world's most dreadful war.
This is the first and so far the only collection of its kind published since the war began. In its compilation care has been taken to avoid all items calculated to give offense to any. The bitterness and hatred that characterize much of the current offerings, especially of the German and British press, are given no place here, for reasons that must be obvious.
The absence or scarcity of anecdotes from Russian, Japanese, Polish, Turkish, Bulgarian, Serbian and Italian sources may be attributed to the editor's inability at this time to secure access to suitable material, if such exists at all, and not to any wish to limit selections solely to the other combatants.
ANECDOTES OF THE GREAT WAR
BLANKETY-BLANK
Mrs. Waring--"What language do the Belgians use, Paul?"
Mr. Waring--"I don't know; but I know what language I'd use if I were a Belgian!"
HAS A MONOPOLY
"How is it that nobody ever ventures to discuss the war with Jinks, and he has all the talking to himself?"
"Well, you see, he's the only fellow in the club who knows how to pronounce the names of those Russian and Polish jawbreaker towns."
MERE TYPOGRAPHICAL ERROR
The proprietor of a caf? at Havre, in endeavoring to please his large-increased British client?le, as a consequence of the war, started his menus in English. The first effort of the local printer was:--
"Soup, fish, entr?e, joint, sweet, wife and coffee included."
Three francs was the price, and one might say not at all dear at that figure.
FIGHT OR I QUIT YOU
Mabel--"I think I shall give up my flat next week."
Maud--"Why, is it too small?"
Mabel--"No; he won't enlist."
WOULDN'T BACK OUT
"Corporal, do you see that light?"
"Yes, sir."
"Put a hole through it," ordered the captain.
The corporal sighted the gun, and, when all was ready, he looked up and said:
"Captain, that's the moon."
"Don't care for that," was the captain's ready response; "put a hole through it, anyhow."
UNDER CANVAS
"Yes," sighed the mother, "I am so often worried about my boy John. You have no idea how much concerned a mother is when her son is on the tented field."
"Ah!" said the sympathetic listener. "And what regiment is your son with?"
"Regiment? Oh, he isn't with the army--he's employed in a traveling circus."
PUNCTURED
"Reckon I look a reg'lar Bluebird," quoth Tommy to himself, as he caught a khaki reflection of himself in a looking-glass.
On going nearer he gazed at the rough stubble of his chin ruefully, and took a thoughtful look at his watch.
"Just time," he muttered, as he pushed open the door of an unknown barber's shop.
That worthy, with patriotic fervor, placed himself at the disposal of Tommy absolutely, and, between various tricky questions on points of war, nicked and gashed the poor soldier's face with consummate skill.
The job finished, the barber surveyed Tommy with pride and admiration as he flicked him down with a towel. Our hero, however, again went and surveyed his face in the glass.
"Give me a drink of water!" he gasped.
"You ain't going to faint?" exclaimed the alarmed hairdresser.
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