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Read Ebook: A Day Well Spent: A Farce in One Act by Oxenford John
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Ebook has 437 lines and 14489 words, and 9 pages
BY JOHN OXENFORD,
LONDON: JOHN MILLER, HENRIETTA STREET, COVENT GARDEN.
LONDON: T. C. SAVILL, PRINTER, ST. MARTIN'S LANE, CHARING CROSS.
B. WRENCH, ESQ.
MY DEAR SIR,
It is with the greatest pleasure, I dedicate to you a Farce, the success of which is so much to be attributed to your exertions. Accept my most hearty thanks for your inimitable performance of the principal character in this piece, as well as for the kind attention you have paid to my previous productions, and the pains you have taken to render them acceptable to the public.
I remain, dear Sir,
Yours very truly,
JOHN OXENFORD.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE.
Mr. Cotton MR. BENNETT.
Bolt MR. WRENCH.
Mizzle MR. OXBERRY.
Mr. Cutaway MR. HEMMING.
Sam Newgate MR. ROMER.
Peter Prig MR. SANDERS.
Coachman MR. IRELAND.
Waiter MR. LEWIS.
Miss Harriet Cotton MISS SHAW.
Mrs. Stitchley MRS. EMDEN.
Miss Brown MRS. F. MATTHEWS.
Mrs. Chargely MISS ROBINSON.
Bridget MISS JACKSON.
A DAY WELL SPENT.
COT. Provoking! to leave my shop all day for the sake of calling on this old Wealthington!--that I should be required to call on him!--not but he is a rich relation, and I have great expectations from him; and my foreman, Bolt, and apprentice Mizzle, are quite fit persons with whom to entrust my shop. Egad, to make all the naughty apprentices look on those two young men would be as good a lesson as going to see George Barnwell on a boxing night!
CUT. Hollo! no one in the shop! ha, ha!-- Hum, she's not here.--Have you anything to sell, old gentleman?
COT. Of course I have; what do you think I keep a shop for?
COT. Puppy!
CUT. But, old gentleman! a young lady used to serve in that shop--she is not ill, I hope?
COT. No, sir; on the contrary, my daughter is quite well.--Can I do anything for you in the way of business?
CUT. Oh! this must be the old father she talks about.--Ha! you are the commander-in-chief of this concern, hey?
COT. Probably I am, Mr. Cutaway.
CUT. Cutaway! you know me, then? What a thing it is to be famous! Know me, and yet you were never introduced to me, to my knowledge.
COT. Oh dear no; I used to see you through the glass door of my parlour, and I intercepted certain letters to my daughter. I saw your name, and I inquired into your connexion,--and saw no reason why I should not--cut the connexion.
CUT. Very cutting, indeed. He's a sharp blade. Ha, ha! droll! funny! ha, ha!
COT. Happy to find I can please you, sir; I thus return good for evil, since you by no means please me.
CUT. Is there any way to please you?
COT. Oh, certainly; the way to please me lies through yonder door: you can't think how prettily that door is painted on the outside. As for my daughter, sir,--I keep her present abode a secret.
BOY. Please, sir, your sister sent me to say that she, with your daughter, has been obliged to move to No. 19, Moonlight Street, owing to circumstances of the most peculiar nature.
CUT. Ha, ha, ha! a most profound secret! Good by, commander-in-chief! next time you have a secret, mind you don't tell it by proxy.
COT. Stupid jackanapes! you must open your damned mouth so wide as to let the cat jump out! --A connexion of which I do not in the least approve;--but--oh, those fellows are at breakfast--Bolt! Mizzle!
BOLT. Yes, sir.
COT. Listen!--pressing business obliges me to be absent till late to-night; I leave the shop to your care.
BOLT. Thank'e, sir.
MIZ. For your confidence, sir.
COT. Which I know is not misplaced. --On no account leave the premises.
BOLT. Now, my dear sir, was not that request superfluous?
MIZ. Of course, sir, without leave, we should never leave the shop.
COT. You will excuse my mentioning it, however. All foremen and apprentices are--alas! not like you. There are several very wicked foremen and apprentices in the world.
BOLT. Ah, I have heard so--I have read so--but never met any.
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