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Read Ebook: Legends of Lancashire by Landreth Peter
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Ebook has 63 lines and 6020 words, and 2 pages
Editor: J. A. Hammerton
Illustrator: Various
MR PUNCH ON TOUR.
PUNCH LIBRARY OF HUMOUR.
Edited by J. A. HAMMERTON.
Designed to provide in a series of volumes, each complete in itself, the cream of our national humour, contributed by the masters of comic draughtsmanship and the leading wits of the age to "Punch," from its beginning in 1841 to the present day.
MR. PUNCH ON TOUR
THE HUMOUR OF TRAVEL AT HOME AND ABROAD
DEPICTED BY
PHIL MAY, CHARLES KEENE, GEORGE DU MAURIER, L. RAVEN-HILL, BERNARD PARTRIDGE, F. H. TOWNSEND, DUDLEY HARDY, REGINALD CLEAVER, GORDON BROWNE, LEWIS BAUMER, G. D. ARMOUR, A. WALLIS MILLS, LANCE THACKERAY, AND OTHERS
PUBLISHED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PROPRIETORS OF "PUNCH"
THE EDUCATIONAL BOOK CO. LTD.
THE PUNCH LIBRARY OF HUMOUR
LIFE IN LONDON COUNTRY LIFE IN THE HIGHLANDS SCOTTISH HUMOUR IRISH HUMOUR COCKNEY HUMOUR IN SOCIETY AFTER DINNER STORIES IN BOHEMIA AT THE PLAY MR. PUNCH AT HOME ON THE CONTINONG RAILWAY BOOK AT THE SEASIDE MR. PUNCH AFLOAT IN THE HUNTING FIELD MR. PUNCH ON TOUR WITH ROD AND GUN MR. PUNCH AWHEEL BOOK OF SPORTS GOLF STORIES IN WIG AND GOWN ON THE WARPATH BOOK OF LOVE WITH THE CHILDREN
THE HUMOUR OF TRAVEL
There is nothing insular about MR. PUNCH. Judging by his features, familiar though these be and long as they have been typical of English humour, he is not without some trace of foreign origin. Indeed, we fancy that were a very searching enquiry to be made into his ancestry we might find he had a far-off forebear who was, let us say, Italian! Perhaps we have here the explanation of his breadth of mind and wide sympathy which, however deeply rooted in the good soil of old England, are by no means absolutely delimited by our coast line.
MR. PUNCH, while always ready to stand for English ideals of right and fair-dealing, has equally endeavoured throughout his long career to show that all the good manners of Europe are not to be found on the Continent. But above all, wherever he goes, let his travels be within those green isles where he reigns as king of fun or as far afield as the land of the Sphinx, he diffuses that good humour which is the essential characteristic of the Englishman and adds so much to the joy of life. The present collection, illustrative of the humours of travel at home and abroad, certainly does not bear out the ancient criticism as to the English taking their pleasures sadly. Like many another book in this same library it proves rather that they take their misadventures joyously.
MR. PUNCH ON TOUR
MRS. RAMSBOTHAM IN ROME.--When Mrs. R. was in Rome she insisted on the guide taking her and her party to see the Papal Bulls of which she had always heard so much. "I suppose," she said, "they're kept on some farm, and are exhibited for prizes just like the King's or the Prince of Wales'." The worthy lady added that she couldn't help laughing to think what a mistake she made in Holland when she was taken to see "Paul Potter's Bull," which turned out to be only a picture.
A CURIOUS LANDSCAPE FEATURE OBSERVABLE AT MONTE CARLO IN THE EARLY SPRING.--Blue Rocks.
HINTS TO TOURISTS
If you are put with a friend in a double-bedded room, bear in mind that inside walls are only lath and plaster, and that every word you say will be heard in the next room. Therefore carry on your conversation at the tip-top of your voice, and make as much noise as you can in packing, and in splashing, and in stumping round your room.
Always give to beggars who waylay you on the road, and if you know their language, accompany your gift with a little stagey speech to the effect that all we English have more money than we know how to spend, and it is our duty when we travel to succour the distressed. This will mightily encourage the impostors in their trade, and engender a great nuisance for tourists who are poorer or less foolish than yourself.
TRAVELLERS' TALES
A HAPPY HOLIDAY
Now I really do not care a Hang about the Riviera, In the daytime you've a gay time, But the nights are very cold. And for any kind of touring, Which I used to find alluring, I for biking had a liking, But I now have grown too old.
Then the constant change of weather To my thinking, altogether Knocked the notion of an ocean Trip completely on the head; I've a horror, too, of "trippers," 'Arrys, 'Arriets, and "nippers," So a jolly quiet holi- Day I spent at home in bed.
"THE GREAT LOAN LAND."--Russia.
IMPRESSIONS FROM ABROAD
Impressions on my hat after going down the salt mine at Berchtesgaden.
Impressions on my alpenstock after looking at the Alpine Peaks from below with an opera-glass.
Impressions on my nose and forehead by the mosquitoes, when I would be poetical and stay all the evening on the Rialto at Venice.
Impressions on my ears by the bad language of my guide, when I refused to pay for the echoes awakened on the Rhine by an ancient howitzer.
Impressions on my heart by memories of that pretty little Frenchwoman I travelled with from Turin.
HAPPY GEOGRAPHICAL THOUGHT .--"Oh dear! What a pity that the sea everywhere can't be the Pacific Ocean!"
"THE TRAVELLERS' CLUB."--An alpenstock.
VIATOR'S VADE MECUM
When the wind is in the North, Gingham take if you go forth. If to Eastward veer the wind, Gingham do not leave behind. If to West the wind should tend, Gingham is your surest friend. If it seek the South, of course, Gingham is your sole resource. Intermediate points demand Gingham constantly in hand. If there be no wind at all, Gingham take, for rain will fall. At all other times, no doubt, Gingham you may do without, Yet e'en then an hour may bring 'em,-- Showers I mean,--so take your Gingham!
THE TRAVELLERS' PROTECTION LEAGUE
The T. P. L. commenced operations last week with regard to the unpunctuality of certain railway companies, and should be encouraged to go a little farther. We want protection against:--
And a job lot of grievances, viz.:--
If the T. P. L. will abate or abolish any or all of these nuisances we shall be very greatly obliged.
MR. PUNCH'S COUNTRY RAMBLES
A memorable afternoon may be spent by taking the train to Muggleton, and walking from there by way of Mudford, Sloppington, Stickborough-in-the-Marsh, Drencham, St. Swithuns, and Swillingspout to Poddleton-on-the-Slosh. The whole district is full of memories of the great Hodge family . Quite a number of mute, inglorious Miltons are buried in Poddleton churchyard, but a few people may still be seen in the market-place on Saturdays.
MISS-GUIDED FOLKS IN PARIS.--Evidently those who are personally conducted by "Lady Guides."
THE IDEAL HOLIDAY
Come, Phyllis, for the season is already on the wane, And the question of our holiday perplexes once again; Now every jaded Londoner fresh stores of vigour seeks, Our problem is how best to pass these few and fleeting weeks.
As one by one each watering-place we call to mind in turn As promptly some objection to each one we discern; Thus Scarborough's too chilly, and Ilfracombe too hot, And this too near, and that too dear, that sandy and this not.
Oh, for some new and lone retreat, nor far away nor near, With lovely sights to charm the eye, soft sounds to soothe the ear; Where vexed and wearied spirits, such as yours and mine, might rest, And find in life new purpose, in its joys unwonted zest;
Some Aidenn, some Elysium of rapturous delight, Where peace should reign unbroken from the dawn to fall of night! Yet since for the impossible in vain we yearn, 'tis clear, It will end no doubt as usual, in "Good old Margate," dear.
"A railway from Joppa to Jerusalem" sounds like a Scriptural line. In future, "going to Jericho" will not imply social banishment, as the party sent thither will be able to take a return-ticket.
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