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Read Ebook: Conundrums Riddles and Puzzles Containing one thousand of the latest and best conundrums gathered from every conceivable source and comprising many that are entirely new and original by Rivers Dean

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Ebook has 1286 lines and 33865 words, and 26 pages

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GENERAL CONUNDRUMS, 9

BIBLICAL CONUNDRUMS, 117

POETICAL CONUNDRUMS, 125

FRENCH CONUNDRUMS, 133

ARITHMETICAL PUZZLES, 137

GENERAL CONUNDRUMS

Why is life the greatest of all conundrums? Because we must all give it up.

When may an army be said to be totally destroyed? When its soldiers are all in quarters.

Which is swifter, heat or cold? Heat, because you can catch cold.

Why is a young lady like a letter? Because if she isn't well stamped the mails won't take her.

Why are dudes no longer imported into this country from England? Because a Yankee dude 'll do .

What flowers can be found between the nose and chin? Tulips .

Why is a dude's hat like swearing? Because it is something to avoid.

How many wives is a man lawfully entitled to by the English prayer-book? Sixteen: Four richer, four poorer, four better, four worse.

Why is a bright young lady like a spoon in a cup of tea? Because she is interesting .

Why does a young man think his sweetheart is like a door-knob? Because she is something to adore .

Why is the emblem of the United States more enduring than that of France, England, Ireland, or Scotland?

Why is a kiss like a sermon? Because it needs two heads and an application.

What is the shape of a kiss? Elliptical.

Why is a kiss like gossip? Because it goes from mouth to mouth.

When two people kiss, what kind of a riddle does it make? A rebus.

What is it George Washington seldom saw, God never saw, and we see every day? Our equals.

What is better than God, worse than the devil, the dead live on, and the living would die if they lived on? Nothing.

Prove by logic that an oyster is better than heaven. Nothing is better than heaven; an oyster is better than nothing; therefore an oyster is better than heaven.

What is the difference between a honeymoon and a honeycomb? One is a big sell, the other little cells.

Why is a man who makes pens a wicked man? Because he makes men steel pens and then says they do write .

What is the difference between a lady and an apple? One you have to get side her to squeeze, and the other you have to squeeze to get cider.

Who is the greatest chicken-killer spoken of in Shakespeare? Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

Why is music cheaper on Sunday than during the week? Because during the week you get it by the piece, and on Sunday you get it by the choir.

Which death would you prefer to die, Joan of Arc's or Mary Stuart's? Most people prefer Joan of Arc's, because they like a hot steak better than a cold chop.

What great writer's name might you appropriately mention if you were standing by the grave of Bob Ingersoll? Robert Burns.

What three great writers names might you think of if you were watching a house burn down? Dickens, Howett, Burns.

If you were invited out to dinner and on sitting down to the table saw nothing but a beet, what would you say? That beet's all.

Give a definition of love. An inward inexpressibility and an outward alloverishness; or, the classical definition of a collegiate is, "Love is the so-ness, as it were, of the white heat fusion of the intellect, sensibility, and will."

When is charity like a top? When it begins to hum.

Why is a man sometimes like dough? Not because a woman needs him, but because he is hard to get off of her hands.

Why does a minister always say "dearly beloved brethren" and not refer to the sisters? Because the brethren embrace the sisters.

What part of a ragged garment resembles the Pope's title? Its Holiness.

Why are a dead duck and a dead doctor alike? Because they have both stopped quacking.

When is the best time to read from the book of nature? When the spring opens the leaves and the autumn turns them.

In what liquid does the Queen of England take her medicine? In cider .

Why is a restless man in bed like a lawyer? Because he lies on one side, then turns around and lies on the other.

Why do tailors make very ardent lovers? Because they press their suits.

When is a man of greatest use at the dinner-table? When he is a spoon.

What is the difference between a rejected and an accepted lover? One misses the kisses and the other kisses the misses.

What is the difference between a church deacon and a little rag-a-muffin? One passes the sasser and the other sasses the passer.

Why is a lover like a knocker? Because he is bound to adore .

In what colored ink should we write our secrets? In violet .

Why is a young lady like an arrow? Because she can't go off without a bow , and is in a quiver till she gets one.

If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out? Because, how could he be a brother and assist her too?

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