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Read Ebook: Conundrums Riddles and Puzzles Containing one thousand of the latest and best conundrums gathered from every conceivable source and comprising many that are entirely new and original by Rivers Dean
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Ebook has 1286 lines and 33865 words, and 26 pages
If a young lady fell into a well why couldn't her brother help her out? Because, how could he be a brother and assist her too?
If all the women went to China, where would the men go? To Pekin.
Why does a Russian soldier wear brass buttons on his coat, and an Austrian soldier wear steel ones? To keep his coat buttoned.
What is the difference between an old penny and a new dime? Nine cents.
How is the best way to make a coat last? To make the trousers and vest first.
What word of four syllables would a man utter if he should eat his wife and wanted to express his approbation of the deed? Gladiator .
Why does a cat look on first one side and then another when she enters a room? Because she can't look on both sides at the same time.
Why is a widower like a young baby? Because he cries a great deal the first six months, looks around the second six months, and has hard work to get through his second summer.
Why is Philadelphia more subject to earthquakes than any other city? Because she is a Quaker city.
Why is a policeman on his beat like an Irishman rolling down a hill? Because he's patroling .
What would contain all the snuff in the world? No one nose .
Why is a hound like a man with a bald head? Because he makes a little hare go a long ways.
What is the first thing a man sets in his garden? His foot.
Who were the first astronomers? The stars, because they have studded the heavens ever since the creation.
When may you be said to imbibe a piano? When you have a piano for tea .
When may bread be said to be alive? When it has a little Indian in it.
Why does a bachelor who has a counterfeit half dollar passed on him want to get married? To get a better half.
Why does a sculptor die a most horrible death? Because he makes faces and busts.
Why do we generally dub a city her or she? Because about a city there is so much bustle and because she has outskirts.
Why does a hair-dresser die a sad death? Because he curls up and dies .
Why are washwomen great flirts? Because they wring men's bosoms.
If thirty-two degrees is freezing point, what is squeezing point? Two in the shade.
Prove that the winds are blind. The wind is a zephyr, a zephyr is a yarn, a yarn is a story, a story is a tale, a tail is an attachment, an attachment is love, and love is blind; therefore, the winds are blind.
Why is a married man like a fire? Because he provokes his wife by going out at night.
Why is a pig's brain larger than any other animal's? Because he has a hog's head full.
Where was the first Adams Express Company located? In the Garden of Eden, when Eve was created.
What is the difference between a young lady and a mouse? One charms the he's, the other harms the cheese.
Why are men like facts? Because they are stubborn things.
What is the difference between a gardener and a Chinaman? One keeps the lawn wet, the other keeps the lawn dry .
Why is a young lady's age after she has reached twenty-five like a floral wedding bell? Because it is never told.
When is a door not a door? When it's an egress .
Why is Patti like a jeweler? Because she deals in precious tones .
When is a bee a great nuisance? When it is a humbug.
Why is a dog dressed warmer in summer than in winter? Because in winter he wears a fur coat and in summer he wears a coat and pants.
Why is it more dangerous to go out in the spring than any other time of the year? Because in the spring the grass has blades, the flowers have pistils, the leaves shoot, and the bullrushes out.
What is the difference between a hill and a pill? One is hard to get up, the other is hard to get down.
Why is a lazy dog like a hill? Because he is a slow pup .
A man and goose once went up in a balloon together, the balloon burst and they landed on a church steeple, how did the man get down? Plucked the goose.
Why is a man riding up a hill like a man taking a young dog to a lady? Because he is taking a gallop up .
Why is a dentist a sad and a wicked man? Because he is always looking down in the mouth and dams all his patients.
What is the difference between a king's son, a monkey's mother, a bald head, and an orphan? A king's son is the heir apparent, a monkey's mother is a hairy parent, a bald head has no hair apparent, and an orphan has nary a parent.
If William Penn's aunts kept a pastry shop, what would be the prices current of their pies? The pie rates of Penn's Aunts .
What celebrated man in English history might you name if you wished to tell your servant to replenish the fire in your grate? Philip the Great .
A man had twenty-six sheep and one died, how many remained? Nineteen.
What is the difference between an Irishman on a bleak mountain-top and a Scotchman? One is kilt with the cowld and the other is cowled with the kilt.
If a pair of andirons cost five dollars, what would the wood come to burned on them for one month? Come to ashes.
What is the difference between Niagara Falls and Queen Elizabeth? One is a wonder, the other is a Tudor.
What is a soldier's definition of a kiss? A report at headquarters.
Why is it easy to break into an old man's house? Because his gait is broken and his locks are few.
What word of only three syllables combines in it twenty-six letters? Alphabet.
Where can one always find happiness? In the dictionary.
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