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Read Ebook: Short and Sweet: A Comic Drama in One Act by Troughton Adolphus Charles
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Ebook has 269 lines and 8804 words, and 6 pages
whole thing into ridicule.
MRS. SWEET. Nay--now, don't be angry--I can't help myself. Ha, ha, ha!
SHORT. Ha, ha, ha! Just imagine our friend here magnificently enthroned in the gutter on the body of his prostrate enemy. Ha, ha, ha!
SWEET. Mr. Short--sir, leave off!
SHORT. Well, it is not my fault--it was your wife set me off. Ha, ha, ha!
SWEET. Yes, I know it was; and her preposterous merriment explores her great want of feeling--the stony nature of her heart!
MRS. SWEET. Nay, now, Willie--
SWEET. Yes, ma'am, I repeat it--the stony nature of your heart!
SWEET. Damn it, madam--will you leave off?
MRS. SWEET. I can't, William. Ha, ha, ha! The whole thing seems so absurd to me now it's all over, that I really can't contain myself! Ha, ha, ha! I shall do myself an injury! Ha, ha, ha! I'll go out of the room, since it offends you. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
SWEET. Such scandalous want of feeling is abominable!--revolting!
MRS. SHORT. Mr. Sweet, pray--
SHORT. Ah, Sweet!--but there's no arguing by comparisons--all women are not of the same sensitive disposition as my Louisa. I flatter myself they don't all feel things alike.
MRS. SHORT. But Fanny is the most affectionate creature in the world, and I am sure, Mr. Sweet, is very sincerely attached to you. It was evidently quite an hysterical affection wholly beyond her power to control--one of those irresistible fits of laughter that we are all of us subject to at times.
SWEET. No, I shan't pass it off so easily, I assure you. How does she know what may be the end of it? There may be after symptoms.
MRS. SHORT. Oh, don't let us think of that--I trust that you are not seriously hurt. Come now, I'll go and fetch her--you must kiss and be friends--you must indeed.
MARIA. My mistress wishes to see you, ma'am.
MRS. SHORT. Very well, Maria--I'll come directly.
There, you see, she has sent for me to make it up with you.
SWEET. Mrs. Short--listen to me.
MRS. SHORT. No, no--I'll not hear another word. You must be reconciled to your wife this very minute on pain of my severe displeasure. No, no, I can't hear you--not half a syllable--I shall run and fetch her.
SWEET. What a treasure you have in that woman, Short--she is a perfect pattern--a model--an incomparable model of conjugal devotedness. It's a good thing for you I didn't see her first.
SHORT. My dear friend, women are neither more nor less than what we make them, at least in marriage. Louisa was not always the docile obedient wife you now see her, not of course till all the tomfoolery of the honeymoon was over, and I began to take the proper tone.
SHORT. Exactly. But it requires a peculiar tact--the method of proceeding, I believe, is a secret not possessed by all.
SWEET. Take pity on me, Short--tell it me--show me how you do it, and you'll bind me to you for life.
SHORT. Well said! bravo! but you'll be sure to give in again.
SWEET. Give in--you shall see!
SHORT. If you only keep your word you'll be sure to succeed.
SWEET. Don't you trouble yourself, I'm just in the humour for her!
MRS. SHORT. Never mind, Fanny--why, what a child you are--don't let the dress put you out of temper, I am sure I can alter it for you. Lay it carefully on the bed.
You must come and dress in my room.
MRS. SWEET. Was there ever anything so vexatious? Stupid creature!
SWEET. Well?
MRS. SHORT. Eh? Oh yes! Well, I spoke to her about it, and I am sure she is very sorry for what took place, so you mustn't think any more of it.
SHORT. Be firm--show determination!
MRS. SHORT. You promised me, you know, to make it up with her.
SHORT. This is no place for us just now, hadn't you better go and dress?
SHORT. My dear!
MRS. SHORT. Very well.
SWEET. Astonishing! One work and he is obeyed at once.
SHORT. Recollect!
SWEET. Never fear.
SHORT. Now if you please.
SWEET. Mrs. Short is right--she seems vexed, perhaps she is really sorry.
MRS. SWEET. These things only happen to me.
SWEET. Whose fault is that, ma'am?
MRS. SWEET. How was I to know I should be so misunderstood?
SWEET. You should be more particular in what you say then. Think before you speak.
MRS. SWEET. Well, so I thought I did. I am quite grieved about it.
MRS. SWEET. Has Mr. Billington's aunt sent the book of the fashions she promised the other day to Mrs. Short?
MARIA. No, ma'am.
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