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Read Ebook: The Log of the Water Wagon; or The Cruise of the Good Ship Lithia by Gibson W C William Curtis Taylor Bert Leston Glackens L M Louis M Illustrator
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Ebook has 384 lines and 11859 words, and 8 pages
Ran afoul of a fleet of full-rigged Johnnies, stuck on Shanley's oyster-beds. Offered to take them aboard the Wagon, but they vociferously refused. Said they'd just got off one.
The Captain took the Sun as soon as it came out, and reported that we were a hell of a way from the Equator.
Passed a ragtime whistling buoy.
Hennessy Martel, an amateur Ancient Mariner, got into the calcium for a minute by trying to shoot a nighthawk, claiming it was an albatross. The Captain gave him the water cure.
Spoke a tramp tank steamer, Red Booze Line, Captain Handout. "Ahoy! What ship is that?" hailed Captain Handout. "The Water Wagon," I replied through the Captain's megaphone. "Keep off!" he yelled, and crowded on all sail.
Shipped a heavy swell rolling in from the Faro Banks.
Eight bells and all's well.
+Here endeth the first day of the cruise.+
BAGGAGE REGULATIONS
Each full ticket entitles passenger to one load. A load and a hang-over will be charged as excess baggage.
All baggage must be checked by our regular inspector before departure. Contraband baggage, such as bottled cocktails, case goods, whiskey capsules, brandied cherries, etc., will be confiscated.
ANIMALS, BIRDS, AND OTHER PETS will not be allowed on the main wagon, nor allowed to run alongside. All such must be put in charge of the steward, who will tag them and place them in a trailer, where they will be fed and cared for, and permitted to drink out of the trough of the sea.
All animals will be returned to owners at end of voyage; or, if desired, the steward will send them to any designated circus or menagerie.
No passenger will be allowed more than three purple monkeys or two dozen red, white, and blue snakes. No magenta elephant weighing more than twenty tons will be received in the trailer, as the accommodations are limited. No mastodons of any colour will be accepted.
The management will not be responsible for any accident or change of colour these pets may undergo. We cannot guarantee fast colours.
Striped mice, polka-dot lizards, Scotch-plaid guinea-pigs, and other small animals, and all perishable buggage, will be carried at owner's risk.
THE WATER WAGON BAND
Every evening in the main saloon, from 8 to 10, our own Band of Hope will discourse the following musical favourites:
"Drink to Me Only with Thine Eyes." "Wait for the Wagon." "The Old Oaken Bucket." "Father, Dear Father." "Down by the River." "When the Swallows Homeward Fly."
SHIP'S ITINERARY
Leave the Bar 8 bells Pass Rye Beach 6 bells Off the Faro Banks 3 bells Near High Ballston Spa 4 bells Arrive Vichy Springs 7 bells Weather Cape Casegoods 2 bells Nearing Prohibition Park 8 bells Arrive Delaware Water Gap 1 bell Pass Croton Reservoir 5 bells Round Apollinaris Bottling Works 6 bells Weather White Rock Point 4 bells Arrive at Waterbury 8 bells
NUTT
The Square Hatter
Big Heads My Specialty
Any Size Head Fitted
Stretching done at your own home the morning after.
Telephone, Derby 8 3-4
+Second Day+
Most of the gold-cures are only plated, and it soon wears off.--Keeley.
Men's evil manners live in rum. Their virtues we write in water.--Shakespeare.
LOG -- Second Day
The morning opened on a full house, and everybody stayed--in bed. Barometer throbbing feverishly, indicating a long dry spell.
The breakfast-gong was sounded by the Steward, but not a soul made a move. Cries of "Lynch him!" from the staterooms.
The Captain has been looking over the Log, and says I keep it like a butcher's book. I told him to keep it himself if he didn't like it.
Whale sighted. He was blowing his friends. Cheers from the waterproof deck, and cries of "I'll take the same!"
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