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SOME REFLECTIONS UPON MARRIAGE.

The FOURTH EDITION.

ADVERTISEMENT.

SOME REFLECTIONS UPON MARRIAGE.

'Tis natural to well-turn'd Minds, when they hear of any Person eminent in Wit and Beauty, adorn'd with Politeness and Address, to wish these may be accompanied and supported by what is more valuable and lasting, solid Sense and real Vertue. One grieves at any Imputation on such an engaging Character, and if one cannot always find the favourite Person fortunate, one labours for the Consolation of finding them discreet; and even where their Conduct is not wholly blameless, Compassion and Good-nature will take Place of Censure in a Noble, as well as in a Christian Heart. We find out something to excuse, something to regret, lamenting that such a Treasure should fall into unworthy Hands, insensible of its Value, unskilful to preserve and improve it: We sigh, we grieve, that any Person capable of being an Ornament to a Family, and Blessing to the Age, should only serve as an unhappy Shipwreck to point out the Misfortune of an ill Education and unsuitable Marriage, and the inexpressible Danger of seeking Consolation and Relief, in any thing but Innocence and Vertue.

They only who have felt it, know the Misery of being forc'd to marry where they do not love; of being yok'd for Life to a disagreeable Person and imperious Temper, where Ignorance and Folly tyrannizes over Wit and Sense: To be perpetually contradicted for Contradiction-sake, and bore down by Authority, not by Argument; to be denied one's most innocent Desires, for no other Reason but the absolute Will and Pleasure of a Lord and Master, whose Follies a Wife, with all her Prudence, cannot hide, and whose Commands she cannot but despise at the same Time that she obeys them.

Or, suppose on the other Hand, she has married the Man she loves, heap'd upon him the highest Obligations, by putting into his Power the Fortune he coveted, the Beauty he profess'd to adore; how soon are the Tables turn'd? It is her Part now to court and fawn; his real or pretended Passion soon cools into Indifference, Neglect, or perhaps Aversion. 'Tis well if he preserves a decent Civility, takes a little care of Appearances, and is willing to conceal his Breach of Faith.

What an ill Figure does a Woman make, with all the Charms of her Beauty, and Sprightliness of her Wit, with all her good Humour and insinuating Address, though she be the best Oeconomist in the World, the most entertaining Company, if she remit her Guard, abate in the Severity of her Caution, and Strictness of her Vertue? If she neglects those Methods which are necessary to keep her, not only from a Crime, but from the very Suspicion of one? She justifies the Injury her Husband has done her, by publishing to the World, that whatever good Qualities she may possess, Discretion, the Mistress of all the rest, is wanting: Though she be really guiltless, she cannot prove her Innocence, the Suspicions in her Prejudice are so strong. When she is censur'd, Charity, that thinks no Evil, can only be silent; though it believes and hopes the best, it cannot engage in her Defence, nor apologize for irregular Actions.

An ill Husband may deprive a Wife of the Comfort and Quiet of her Life, give occasion of exercising her Vertue, try her Patience and Fortitude to the utmost, which is all he can do; it is herself only that can accomplish her Ruin.

In vain we seek for Colours to varnish faulty Manners. An Advocate shews the best Side of his Wit, but the worst of his Integrity when he has an ill Cause to manage: But to what Purpose? He cannot impose on the Judicious, his Colouring vanishes before their Eyes, and a good deal of Malice, with a very little Sense, will find the Weakness of his Arguments; so much the more suspected, by how much the more labour'd: For Truth is plain and forcible, depending on her own Strength; she requires no more than to be placed in a proper Light, nor condescends to Art or Insinuations, unless in Compassion to the Weakness and Prejudice of Mankind. Nor are they less mistaken in regard of Wit, which consists not meerly in saying what is odd and out of the way; Fools do this pretty often; but Wit consists in expressing good Sense in a surprising, yet natural and agreeable Manner.

There are some Reasons, though not many, that authorize a Wife's leaving her Husband, but if any Thing short of absolute Necessity, from irreclaimable Vice and Cruelty, prevails with her to break these sacred and strongest Bonds, how is she expos'd to Temptations and Injuries, Contempt, and the just Censure of the World. A Woman of Sense, one shou'd think, could take but little Pleasure in the Courtship and Flatteries of her Adorers, even when she is single: But for a married Woman to admit of Love Addresses, is worse than Folly; it is a Crime so ridiculous, that I will never believe a Woman of Sense can be guilty of it. For what does a Man pretend when he whines and dangles after a married Woman? Would he have her think he admires her, when he is treating her with the last Contempt? or that he loves her, when he is trying his Arts to gratify his brutal Passion, at the Price of all that is dear to her? His fine Speeches have either no Meaning, or a reproachful one; he affronts her Understanding as well as her Vertue, if he fancies she cannot discern, or wants Spirit to resent the Insults. She can look on him no otherwise than as the worst of Hypocrites, who flatters to betray, and fawns that he may ruin; who is laying Snares to entangle her in a Commerce founded on Injustice, and Breach of the most sacred Vows, carried on by Dissimulation, Treachery, Lyes, and Deceit, attended with Fear and Anxiety, Shame, Remorse, the bitter Stings of Guilt, whose fatal Consequences cannot be foreseen, the least of which is the blasting of her Honour. And why all this Mischief? Why, because he professes to think her amiable, and with the blackest Treachery takes Advantage of her Weakness, and the too good Opinion she has entertained of him, to render her odious! to render her contemptible to himself, as well as to the World.

Though much may be said against this, or that Match; though the Ridiculousness of some, the Wickedness of others, and the Imprudence of too many, may provoke our Wonder, or Scorn, our Indignation or Pity; yet Marriage in general is too sacred to be treated with Disrespect, too venerable to be the Subject of Raillery and Buffoonery. None but the Impious will pretend to refine on a Divine Institution, or suppose there is a better Way for Society and Posterity. Whoever scoffs at this, and by odious Representation would possess the married Pair with a frightful Idea of each other, as if a Wife is nothing better than a Domestick Devil, an Evil he must tolerate for his Conveniency; and an Husband must of necessity be a Tyrant or a Dupe; has ill Designs on both, and is himself a dangerous Enemy to the Publick, as well as to private Families.

But upon what are the Satires against Marriage grounded? Not upon the State it self, if they are just, but upon the ill Choice, or foolish Conduct of those who are in it? and what has Marriage consider'd in it self to do with these? When the Blame is laid where it ought to be, not Marriage, but inordinate Passion, Rashness, Humour, Pride, Covetousness, Inconstancy, unjust Suspicions, unnecessary Severity, and, in a Word, a silly, vicious, imprudent Choice, or Conduct, ought to be arraign'd. For why should Marriage be exclaim'd against when Men reap the Fruit of their own Folly? If they will put an unequal Yoke upon their own Necks, they have their Choice, who can they blame for it? If instead of a Help and Comfort, their Courtship has procured them a Plague and Disgrace, who may they thank but themselves: A Man can never be under any sort of Obligation to marry against his Liking, but through some reigning Vice, or want of Fortitude.

The Christian Institution of Marriage provides the best that may be for Domestick Quiet and Content, and for the Education of Children; so that if we were not under the Tie of Religion, even the Good of Society and civil Duty, would oblige us to what Christianity requires: And since the very best of us are but poor frail Creatures, full of Ignorance and Infirmity, so that in Justice we ought to tolerate each other, and exercise that Patience towards our Companions to Day, which we shall give them occasion to shew towards us To-morrow; the more we are accustom'd to any one's Conversation, the better shall we understand their Humour, be more able to comply with their Weakness, and less offended at it. For he who would have every one submit to his Humours, and will not in his Turn comply with them, is not fit for a Husband, scarce fit for Society, but ought to be turn'd out of the Herd as an unreasonable Creature.

There may indeed be Inconveniencies in a married Life; but is there any Condition without them? And he who lives single, that he may indulge Licentiousness and give up himself to the Conduct of wild and ungovern'd Desires, may rail as he pleases against Matrimony, but can never justify his own Conduct, nor clear it from the Imputation of Wickedness and Folly.

But if Marriage be such a blessed State, how comes it, may you say, that there are so few happy Marriages? Now in answer to this, it is not to be wonder'd that so few succeed; we should rather be surpriz'd to find so many do, considering how imprudently Men engage, the Motives they act by, and the very strange Conduct they observe throughout.

Now what is it that strikes a judicious Taste? Not that, to be sure, which injures the Absent, or provokes the Company, which poisons the Mind under Pretence of entertaining it, proceeding from, or giving Countenance to false Notions, to dangerous and immoral Principles. Wit indeed is distinct from Judgment, but it is not contrary to it; 'tis rather its Handmaid, serving to awaken and fix the Attention, that so we may judge rightly. Whatever charms, does so because of its Regularity and Proportion; otherwise, though it is Extraordinary and out of the Way, it will only be star'd on like a Monster, but can never be lik'd. And tho' a Thought is ever so fine and new, ever so well express'd, if it suits not with Decorum and good Manners, it is not just and fit, and therefore offends our Reason, and consequently has no real Charms, nor would afford us any Entertainment, if our Taste were not deprav'd.

Footnote 1:

Thus, whether it be Wit or Beauty that a Man's in Love with, there are no great Hopes of a lasting Happiness; Beauty, with all the Helps of Art, is of no long Date; the more it is help'd, the sooner it decays; and he, who only or chiefly chose for Beauty, will in a little Time find the same Reason for another Choice. Nor is that sort of Wit which he prefers, of a more sure Tenure; or allowing it to last, it will not always please. For that which has not a real Excellency and Value in it self, entertains no longer than that giddy Humour which recommended it to us holds; and when we can like on no just, or on very little Ground, 'tis certain a Dislike will arise, as lightly and as unaccountably. And it is not improbable that such a Husband may in a little Time, by ill Usage, provoke such a Wife to exercise her Wit, that is, her Spleen on him, and then it is not hard to guess how very agreeable it will be to him.

Women, it's true, ought to be treated with Civility; for since a little Ceremony and out-side Respect is all their Guard, all the Privilege that's allow'd them, it were barbarous to deprive them of it; and because I would treat them civilly, I would not express my Civility at the usual rate. I would not, under Pretence of Honouring and paying a mighty Deference to the Ladies, call them Fools, or what's worse, to their Faces; For what are all the fine Speeches and Submissions that are made, but an abusing them in a well-bred Way? She must be a Fool with a Witness, who can believe a Man, Proud and Vain as he is, will lay his boasted Authority, the Dignity and Prerogative of his Sex, one Moment at her Feet, but in Prospect of taking it up again to more Advantage; he may call himself her Slave a few Days, but it is only in order to make her his all the rest of his Life.

Not but that 'tis possible, and sometimes Matter of Fact, to express our selves beyond the Truth in Praise of a Person, and yet not be guilty of Flattery; but then we must Think what we Say, and Mean what we Profess. We may be so blinded by some Passion or other, especially Love, which in Civil and Good-natur'd Persons is apt to exceed, as to believe some Persons more deserving than really they are, and to pay them greater Respect and Kindness than is in Strictness due to them. But this is not the present Case; for our fine Speech-makers doat too much on themselves to have any great Passion for another. Their Eyes are commonly too much fix'd on their own Excellencies, to view another's good Qualities through a Magnifying-Glass; at least if ever they turn that End of the Perspective towards their Neighbours, 'tis only in Respect and Reference to themselves. They are their own Centres, they find a Disproportion in every Line that does not tend thither, and in the next Visit they make, you shall hear all the fine Things they had said, repeated to the new Object, and nothing remembred of the former but her Vanity, or something else as ridiculous, which serves for a Foil, or a Whet to Discourse. For let there be ever so many Wits in the Company, Conversation would languish, and they would be at a Loss, did not a little Censoriousness come in at a Need to help them.

Let us then treat the Ladies as civilly as may be, but let us not do it by Flattering them, but by endeavouring to make them such as may truly deserve our hearty Esteem and Kindness. Men ought really for their own Sakes, to do what in them lies to make Women Wise and Good, and then it might be hoped they themselves would effectually Study and Practice that Wisdom and Vertue they recommend to others. But so long as Men, even the best of them, who do not outrage the Women they pretend to adore, have base and unworthy Ends to serve, it is not to be expected that they should consent to such Methods as would certainly disappoint them. They would have their own Relations do well; it is their Interest: but it sometimes happens to be for their Turn that another Man's should not, and then their Generosity fails them, and no Man is apter to find Fault with another's dishonourable Actions, than he who is ready to do, or perhaps has done the same himself.

And if Pride and Self-conceit keep a Man who has some good Qualities, and is not so bad as the most of his Neighbours, from growing better, it for certain confirms and hardens the Wicked in his Crimes, it sets him up for a Wit, that is, according to modern Acceptation, one who rallies all that is serious, a Contemner of the Priests first, and then of the Deity Himself. For Penitence and Self-condemnation are what his Haughtiness cannot bear, and since his Crimes have brought upon him the Reproaches of his own Mind, since he will not take the regular Way to be rid of them, which is, by Humbling himself, and making his Peace with Heaven, he bids Defiance to it, and wou'd, if he could, believe there is no future State, no After-retribution, because he has too just Reason to fear it.

If therefore it be a Woman's hard Fate to meet with a disagreeable Temper, and of all others, the Haughty, Imperious, and Self-conceited are the most so, she is as unhappy as any Thing in this World can make her. For when a Wife's Temper does not please, if she makes her Husband uneasy, he can find Entertainments Abroad; he has a hundred Ways of relieving himself; but neither Prudence nor Duty will allow a Woman to fly out: her Business and Entertainment are at home; and tho' he makes it ever so uneasy to her, she must be content, and make her best on't. She who elects a Monarch for Life, who gives him an Authority, she cannot recall, however he misapply it, who puts her Fortune and Person entirely in his Power, nay, even the very Desires of her Heart, according to some learned Casuists, so as that it is not lawful to Will or Desire any Thing but what he approves and allows, had need be very sure that she does not make a Fool her Head, nor a Vicious Man her Guide and Pattern; she had best stay till she can meet with one who has the Government of his own Passions, and has duly regulated his own Desires, since he is to have such an absolute Power over hers. But he who doats on a Face, he who makes Money his Idol, he who is charm'd with vain and empty Wit, gives no such Evidence, either of Wisdom or Goodness, that a Woman of any tolerable Sense shou'd care to venture her self to his Conduct.

Indeed, your fine Gentleman's Actions are now a-days such, that did not Custom and the Dignity of his Sex give Weight and Authority to them, a Woman that thinks twice might bless her self, and say, Is this the Lord and Master to whom I am to promise Love, Honour and Obedience? What can be the Object of Love but amiable Qualities, the Image of the Deity impress'd upon a generous and godlike Mind, a Mind that is above this World, to be sure above all the Vices, the Tricks and Baseness of it; a Mind that is not full of it self, nor contracted to little private Interests, but which, in Imitation of that glorious Pattern it endeavours to copy after, expands and diffuses it self to its utmost Capacity in doing Good. But this fine Gentleman is quite of another Strain, he is the Reverse of this in every Instance. He is, I confess, very fond of his own Dear Person, he sees very much in it to admire; his Air and Mien, his Words and Actions, every Motion he makes, declare it; but they must have a Judgment of his Size, every whit as shallow, and a Partiality as great as his own, who can be of his Mind. How then can I Love? And if not Love, much less Honour. Love may arise from Pity, or a generous Desire to make that Lovely which as yet is not so, when we see any hopes of Success in our Endeavours of improving it; but Honour supposes some excellent Qualities already, something worth our Esteem; but, alas! there is nothing more contemptible than this Trifle of a Man, this meer Out-side, whose Mind is as base and mean as his external Pomp is glittering. His Office or Title apart, to which some ceremonious Observance must be paid for Order's sake, there's nothing in him that can command our Respect. Strip him of Equipage and Fortune, and such Things as only dazle our Eyes and Imaginations, but don't in any measure affect our Reason, or cause a Reverence in our Hearts, and the poor Creature sinks beneath our Notice, because not supported by real Worth. And if a Woman can neither Love nor Honour, she does ill in promising to Obey, since she is like to have a crooked Rule to regulate her Actions.

A Meer Obedience, such as is paid only to Authority, and not out of Love and a Sense of the Justice and Reasonableness of the Command, will be of an uncertain Tenure. As it can't but be uneasy to the Person who pays it, so he who receives it will be sometimes disappointed when he expects to find it: For that Woman must be endow'd with a Wisdom and Goodness much above what we suppose the Sex capable of, I fear much greater than any Man can pretend to, who can so constantly conquer her Passions, and divert her self even of Innocent Self-love, as to give up the Cause when she is in the Right, and to submit her inlightned Reason, to the imperious Dictates of a blind Will, and wild Imagination, even when she clearly perceives the ill Consequences of it, the Imprudence, nay, Folly and Madness of such a Conduct.

And if a Woman runs such a Risque when she marries prudently, according to the Opinion of the World, that is, when she permits her self to be dispos'd of to a Man equal to her in Birth, Education and Fortune, and as good as the most of his Neighbours, if at the very best her Lot is hard, what can she expect who is Sold, or any otherwise betray'd into mercenary Hands, to one who is in all, or most respects, unequal to her? A Lover who comes upon what is call'd equal Terms, makes no very advantageous Proposal to the Lady he courts, and to whom he seems to be an humble Servant. For under many sounding Compliments, Words that have nothing in them, this is his true Meaning; He wants one to manage his Family, an House-keeper, one whose Interest it will be not to wrong him, and in whom therefore he can put greater Confidence than in any he can hire for Money. One who may breed his Children, taking all the Care and Trouble of their Education, to preserve his Name and Family. One whose Beauty, Wit, or good Humour and agreeable Conversation, will entertain him at Home when he has been contradicted and disappointed Abroad; who will do him that Justice the ill-natur'd World denies him; that is, in any one's Language but his own, sooth his Pride and flatter his Vanity, by having always so much good Sense as to be on his Side, to conclude him in the Right, when others are so ignorant, or so rude, as to deny it. Who will not be blind to his Merit nor contradict his Will and Pleasure, but make it her Business, her very Ambition to content him; whose Softness and gentle Compliance will calm his Passions, to whom he may safely disclose his troublesome Thoughts, and in her Breast discharge his Cares; whose Duty, Submission and Observance, will heal those Wounds other Peoples Opposition or Neglect have given him. In a word, one whom he can intirely Govern, and consequently may form her to his Will and Liking, who must be his for Life, and therefore cannot quit his Service, let him treat her how he will.

And if this be what every Man expects, the Sum of his violent Love and Courtship, when it is put into Sense, and rendred Intelligible, to what a fine pass does she bring her self who purchases a Lord and Master, not only with her Money, but with what is of greater Value, at the Price of her Discretion! Who has not so much as that poor Excuse, Precedent and Example; or if she has, they are only such as all the World condemns? She will not find him less a Governor because she was once his Superior, on the contrary, the Scum of the People are most Tyrannical when they get the Power, and treat their Betters with the greatest Insolence. For, as the wise Man long since observ'd, A Servant when he Reigns, is one of those Things for which the Earth is disquieted, and which no body is able to bear.

But when a Woman marries unequally and beneath her self, there is almost Demonstration that the Man is sordid and unfair; that instead of loving her he only loves himself, trapans and ruins her to serve his own Ends. For if he had not a mighty Opinion of himself, he would never imagine that his Person and good Qualities could make Compensation for all the Advantages she quits on his Account. If he had a real Esteem for her, or valued her Reputation, he would not expose it, nor have her Discretion call'd in Question for his sake; and if he truly lov'd her, he would not reduce her to Straits and a narrow Fortune, nor so much as lessen her way of Living to better his own. For since God has placed different Ranks in the World, put some in a higher, and some in a lower Station, for Order and Beauty's sake, and for many good Reasons; though it is both our Wisdom and Duty not only to submit with Patience, but to be thankful and well-satisfied, when by his Providence we are brought low, yet there is no manner of Reason for us to degrade our selves; on the contrary, much why we ought not. The better our Lot is in this World, and the more we have of it, the greater is our Leisure to prepare for the next; we have the more Opportunity to exercise that God-like Quality, to taste that Divine Pleasure, doing Good to the Bodies and Souls of those beneath us. Is it not then ill Manners to Heaven, and an irreligious Contempt of its Favours, for a Woman to slight that nobler Employment, to which it has assign'd her, and thrust her self down to a meaner Drudgery, to what is in the very literal Sense a caring for the Things of the World, a caring not only to Please, but to Maintain a Husband?

And a Husband so chosen will not at all abate of his Authority and Right to Govern, whatever fair Promises he might make before. She has made him her Head, and he thinks himself as well qualified as the Best to act accordingly, nor has she given him any such Evidence of her Prudence as may dispose him to make an Act of Grace in her Favour. Besides, great Obligations are what Superiors cannot bear, they are more than can be return'd; to acknowledge were only to reproach themselves with Ingratitude, and therefore the readiest Way is, not to own, but over-look them, or rather, as too many do, to repay them with Affronts and Injuries.

Indeed Subjection, according to the common Notion of it, is not over easy; none of us, whether Men or Women, but have so good an Opinion of our own Conduct, as to believe we are fit, if not to direct others, at least to govern our selves. Nothing but a sound Understanding, and Grace, the best Improver of Natural Reason, can correct this Opinion, truly humble us, and heartily reconcile us to Obedience. This bitter Cup therefore ought to be sweetned as much as may be; for Authority may be preserv'd and Government kept inviolable, without that nauseous Ostentation of Power, which serves to no End or Purpose, but to blow up the Pride and Vanity of those who have it, and to exasperate the Spirits of such as must truckle under it.

For, upon a due Estimate, Things are pretty equally divided; those in Subjection, as they have a less Glorious, so they have an easier Task and a less Account to give; Whereas he who Commands, has in a great measure the Faults of others to answer for as well as his own. 'Tis true, he has the Pleasure of doing more Good than a private Person can, and shall receive the Reward of it when Time shall be no more, in Compensation for the Hazards he runs, the Difficulties he at present encounters, and the large Account he is to make hereafter. Which Pleasure and Reward are highly desirable, and most worthy our Pursuit; but they are Motives which such as Usurp on their Governors, and make them uneasy in the due Discharge of their Duty, never propose. As for those other little Things that move their Envy and Ambition, they are of no Esteem with a just Considerer, nor will such as violently pursue, find their Account in them.

A Man therefore for his own sake, and to give Evidence that he has a Right to those Prerogatives he assumes, should treat Women with a little more Humanity and Regard than is usually paid them. Your whifling Wits may scoff at them, and what then? It matters not, for they rally every Thing though ever so sacred, and rail at the Women commonly in very good Company. Religion, its Priests, and those its most constant and regular Professors, are the usual Subjects of their manly, mannerly and surprizing Jests. Surprizing indeed! not for the Newness of the Thought, the Brightness of the Fancy, or Nobleness of Expression, but for the good Assurance with which such Thread-bare Jests are again and again repeated. But that your grave Dons, your learned Men, and, which is more, your Men of Sense, as they would be thought, should stoop so low as to make Invectives against the Women, forget themselves so much as to jest with their Slaves, who have neither Liberty, nor Ingenuity to make Reprizals; that they should waste their Time, and debase their good Sense, which fits them for the most weighty Affairs, such as are suitable to their profound Wisdom and exalted Understandings! to render those poor Wretches more ridiculous and odious who are already in their Opinion sufficiently contemptible, and find no better Exercise of their Wit and Satire, than such as are not worth their Pains, though it were possible to Reform them, this, this indeed may justly be wonder'd at!

I Know not whether or no Women are allow'd to have Souls; if they have, perhaps it is not prudent to provoke them too much, lest, silly as they are, they at last recriminate, and then what polite and well-bred Gentleman, though himself is concern'd, can forbear taking that lawful Pleasure, which all who understand Raillery must taste, when they find his Jests who insolently began to peck at his Neighbour, return'd with Interest upon his own Head? And indeed Men are too Humane, too Wise, to venture at it, did they not hope for this Effect, and expect the Pleasure of finding their Wit turn to such Account: For if it be lawful to pry into a Secret, this is, without doubt, the whole Design of those fine Discourses which have been made against the Women from our great Fore-Fathers to this present Time! Generous Man has too much Bravery, he is too Just and too Good to assault a defenceless Enemy, and if he did inveigh against the Women, it was only to do them Service! For since neither his Care of their Education, his hearty Endeavours to improve their Minds, his wholesome Precepts, nor great Example could do them good, as his last and kindest Essay, he resolv'd to try what Contempt would do, and chose rather to expose himself by a seeming Want of Justice, Equity, Ingenuity and Good-nature, than suffer Women to remain such vain and insignificant Creatures as they have hitherto been reckon'd; and truly, Women are some Degrees beneath what I have thus far thought them, if they do not make the best Use of his Kindness, improve themselves, and, like Christians, return it.

Let us see then what is their Part, what must they do to make the Matrimonial Yoke tolerable to themselves as well as pleasing to their Lords and Masters? That the World is an empty and deceitful Thing, that those Enjoyments which appear'd so desirable at a Distance, which rais'd our Hopes and Expectations to such a mighty Pitch, which we so passionately coveted, and so eagerly pursued, vanish at our first Approach, leaving nothing behind them but the Folly of Delusion, and the Pain of disappointed Hopes, is a common Outcry; and yet, as common as it is, though we complain of being deceiv'd this Instant, we do not fail of contributing to the Cheat the very next. Though in reality it is not the World that abuses us, 'tis we abuse our selves; it is not the Emptiness of That, but our own false Judgments, our unreasonable Desires and Expectations that torment us; for he who exerts his whole Strength to lift a Straw, ought not to complain of the Burden, but of his own disproportionate Endeavour which gives him the Pain he feels. The World affords us all the Pleasure a sound Judgment can expect from it, and answers all those Ends and Purposes for which it was design'd; let us expect no more than is reasonable, and then we shall not fail of our Expectations.

It is even so in the Case before us; a Woman who has been taught to think Marriage her only Preferment, the Sum-Total of her Endeavours, the Completion of all her Hopes, that which must settle and make her Happy in this World, and very few, in their Youth especially, carry a Thought steadily to a greater Distance; She who has seen a Lover dying at her Feet, and can't therefore imagine that he who professes to receive all his Happiness from her, can have any other Design or Desire than to please her; whose Eyes have been dazled with all the Glitter and Pomp of a Wedding, and, who hears of nothing but Joy and Congratulation; who is transported with the Pleasure of being out of Pupillage, and Mistress not only of her self, but of a Family too: She who is either so simple or so vain, as to take her Lover at his Word, either as to the Praises he gave her, or the Promises he made for himself; in sum, she whose Expectation has been rais'd by Courtship, by all the fine Things that her Lover, her Governess and Domestick Flatterers say, will find a terrible Disappointment when the Hurry is over, and when she comes calmly to consider her Condition, and views it no more under a false Appearance, but as it truly is.

But how can a Woman scruple intire Subjection, how can she forbear to admire the Worth and Excellency of the Superior Sex, if she at all considers it! Have not all the great Actions that have been perform'd in the World been done by Men? Have not they founded Empires and overturn'd them? Do not they make Laws and continually repeal and amend them? Their vast Minds lay Kingdoms waste, no Bounds or Measures can be prescrib'd to their Desires. War and Peace depend on them; they form Cabals and have the Wisdom and Courage to get over all the Rubs, the petty Restraints which Honour and Conscience may lay in the Way of their desired Grandeur. What is it they cannot do? They make Worlds and ruin them, form Systems of universal Nature, and dispute eternally about them; their Pen gives Worth to the most trifling Controversy; nor can a Fray be inconsiderable if they have drawn their Swords in't. All that the wise Man pronounces is an Oracle, and every Word the Witty speaks, a Jest. It is a Woman's Happiness to hear, admire and praise them, especially if a little Ill-nature keeps them at any time from bellowing due Applauses on each other! And if she aspires no further, she is thought to be in her proper Sphere of Action; she is as wise and as good as can be expected from her!

She then who Marries, ought to lay it down for an indisputable Maxim, that her Husband must govern absolutely and intirely, and that she has nothing else to do but to Please and Obey. She must not attempt to divide his Authority, or so much as dispute it; to struggle with her Yoke will only make it gall the more, but must believe him Wise and Good, and in all respects the best, at least he must be so to her. She who can't do this is no way fit to be a Wife, she may set up for that peculiar Coronet the antient Fathers talk'd of, but is not qualified to receive that great Reward which attends the eminent Exercise of Humility and Self-denial, Patience and Resignation, the Duties that a Wife is call'd to.

But some refractory Woman perhaps will say, how can this be? Is it possible for her to believe him Wise and Good, who by a thousand Demonstrations convinces her, and all the World, of the contrary? Did the bare Name of Husband confer Sense on a Man, and the meer being in Authority infallibly qualify him for Government, much might be done. But since a wise Man and a Husband are not Terms convertible, and how loth soever one is to own it, Matter of Fact won't allow us to deny, that the Head many times stands in need of the Inferior's Brains to manage it, she must beg leave to be excus'd from such high Thoughts of her Sovereign, and if she submits to his Power, it is not so much Reason as Necessity that compels her.

Now of how little Force soever this Objection may be in other respects, methinks it is strong enough to prove the Necessity of a good Education, and that Men never mistake their true Interest more than when they endeavour to keep Women in Ignorance. Could they indeed deprive them of their Natural good Sense at the same Time they deny them the true Improvement of it, they might compass their End; otherwise Natural Sense unassisted may run into a false Track, and serve only to punish him justly, who would not allow it to be useful to himself or others. If Man's Authority be justly establish'd, the more Sense a Woman has, the more Reason she will find to submit to it; if according to the Tradition of our Fathers, Womens Understanding is but small, and Man's Partiality adds no Weight to the Observation, ought not the more Care to be taken to improve them? How it agrees with the Justice of Men we inquire not, but certainly Heaven is abundantly more Equitable than to injoin Women the hardest Task, and give them the least Strength to perform it. And if Men, learned, wise and discreet as they are, who have, as is said, all the Advantages of Nature, and without Controversy, have, or may have, all the Assistance of Art, are so far from acquitting themselves as they ought, from living according to that Reason and excellent Understanding they so much boast of, can it be expected that a Woman who is reckon'd silly enough in her self, at least comparatively, and whom Men take care to make yet more so; can it be expected that she should constantly perform so difficult a Duty as intire Subjection, to which corrupt Nature is so averse?

We never observe, or perhaps make Sport, with the ill Effects of a bad Education, till it comes to touch us home in the ill Conduct of a Sister, a Daughter, or Wife. Then the Women must be blam'd, their Folly is exclaim'd against, when all this while it was the wise Man's Fault, who did not set a better Guard on those, who, according to him, stand in so much need of one. A young Gentleman, as a celebrated Author tells us, ought above all Things to be acquainted with the State of the World, the Ways and Humours, the Follies, the Cheats, the Faults of the Age he is fallen into; he should by degrees be inform'd of the Vice in Fashion, and warn'd of the Application and Design of those who will make it their Business to corrupt him, should be told the Arts they use, and the Trains they lay, be prepar'd to be Shock'd by some, and Caress'd by others; warn'd who are like to oppose, who to mislead, who to undermine, and who to serve him. He should be instructed how to know and distinguish them, where he should let them see, and when dissemble the Knowledge of them and their Aims and Workings. Our Author is much in the right, and not to disparage any other Accomplishments which are useful in their Kind, this will turn to more Account than any Language or Philosophy, Art or Science, or any other Piece of Good-breeding and fine Education that can be taught him, which are no otherwise excellent than as they contribute to this, as this does above all Things to the making him a wise, a vertuous and useful Man.

But according to the rate that young Women are Educated, according to the Way their Time is spent, they are destin'd to Folly and Impertinence, to say no worse, and, which is yet more inhuman, they are blam'd for that ill Conduct they are not suffer'd to avoid, and reproach'd for those Faults they are in a Manner forc'd into; so that if Heaven has bestowed any Sense on them, no other Use is made of it, than to leave them without Excuse. So much, and no more, of the World is shewn them, than serves to weaken and corrupt their Minds, to give them wrong Notions, and busy them in mean Pursuits; to disturb, not to regulate their Passions; to make them timorous and dependant, and, in a Word, fit for nothing else but to act a Farce for the Diversion of their Governors.

Even Men themselves improve no otherwise than according to the Aim they take, and the End they propose; and he whose Designs are but little and mean, will be the same himself. Tho' Ambition, as 'tis usually understood, is a foolish, not to say a base and pitiful Vice, yet the Aspirings of the Soul after true Glory are so much its Nature, that it seems to have forgot it self, and to degenerate, if it can forbear; and perhaps the great Secret of Education lies in affecting the Soul with a lively Sense of what is truly its Perfection, and exciting the most ardent Desires after it.

But, alas! what poor Woman is ever taught that she should have a higher Design than to get her a Husband? Heaven will fall in of course; and if she makes but an Obedient and Dutiful Wife, she cannot miss of it. A Husband indeed is thought by both Sexes so very valuable, that scarce a Man who can keep himself clean and make a Bow, but thinks he is good enough to pretend to any Woman; no matter for the Difference of Birth or Fortune, a Husband is such a Wonder-working Name as to make an Equality, or something more, whenever it is obtain'd.

And indeed, were there no other Proof of Masculine Wisdom, and what a much greater Portion of Ingenuity falls to the Men than to the Women's Share, the Address, the Artifice, and Management of an humble Servant were a sufficient Demonstration. What good Conduct does he shew! what Patience exercise! what Subtilty leave untry'd! what Concealment of his Faults! what Parade of his Vertues! what Government of his Passions! How deep is his Policy in laying his Designs at so great a Distance, and working them up by such little Accidents! How indefatigable is his Industry, and how constant his Watchfulness not to slip any Opportunity that may in the least contribute to his Design! What a handsome Set of Disguises and Pretences is he always furnish'd with! How conceal'd does he lie! how little pretend, till he is sure that his Plot will take! And at the same Time that he nourishes the Hope of being Lord and Master, appears with all the Modesty and Submission of an humble and unpretending Admirer!

But there are few Women whose Understandings are worth the Management, their Estates are much more capable of Improvement. No Woman, much less a Woman of Fortune, is ever fit to be her own Mistress, and he who has not the Vanity to think what much finer Things he could perform, had he the Management of her Fortune; or so much Partiality and Self-love, as to fancy it can't be better bestow'd than in making his; will yet be so honest and humble, as to think that 'tis fit she should take his Assistance, as Steward at least. For the good Man aspires no further, he would only take the Trouble of her Affairs off her Hand; and the Sense of her Condescension and his great Obligations, will for ever secure him against acting like a Lord and Master.

The Steps to Folly, as well as Sin, are gradual, and almost imperceptible, and when we are once on the Decline, we go down without taking Notice on't; were it not for this, one could not account for those strange unequal Marriages we too often see. For there was a Time, no doubt, when a Woman could not have bore the very Thought of what she has been afterwards betray'd into; it would have appear'd as shocking to her, as it always does to other People; and had a Man been so impolitick as to discover the least Intimation of such a Design, he had given her a sufficient Antidote against it. This your wise Men are well satisfied of, and understand their own Interest too well to let their Design go bare-fac'd, for that would effectually put a Bar to their Success. So innocent are they, that they had not the least Thought at first of what their good Fortune afterwards leads them to! They would draw upon him, or fly in her Face who should let fall the least Hint that they had such Intentions; and this very Eagerness to avoid the Suspicion, is a shrewd Sign that there is Occasion for't.

And since the Case is so, That Woman can never be in Safety who allows a Man Opportunity to betray her. Frequent Conversation does for certain produce either Aversion or Liking, and when 'tis once come to Liking, it depends on the Man's Generosity not to improve it farther, and where can one find an Instance that this is any Security? There are very many indeed which shew it is none. How sensible soever a Woman may appear of another's Indiscretion, if she will tread in the same Steps, though but for a little Way, she gives us no Assurance that she will not fall into the same Folly; she may perhaps intend very well, but she puts it past her Power to fulfil her good Intentions. Even those who have forfeited their Discretion, the most valuable Jewel next to their Vertue, and without which Vertue it self is but very weak and faint, 'tis like, were once as well resolv'd as she; they had the very same Thoughts, they made the same Apologies, and their Resentment would have been every whit as great against those who could have imagined they should so far forget themselves.

And generally the more humble and undesigning a Man appears, the more improbable it looks that he should dare to pretend, the greater Caution should be us'd against him. A bold Address and good Assurance may sometimes, but does not always, take. To a Woman of Sense an artificial Modesty and Humility is a thousand times more dangerous, for he only draws back to receive the more Encouragement, and she regards not what Advances she makes towards him, who seems to understand himself and the World so well as to be incapable of making an ill Use of them. Would it not be unreasonable, and a Piece of Ill-breeding, to be shy of him who has no Pretensions, or only such as are Just and Modest? What Hurt in a Visit? Or what if Visits grow a little more frequent? The Man has so much Discernment, as to relish her Wit and Humour, and can she do less than be Partial to him who is so just to her? He strives to please and to render himself agreeable, or necessary, perhaps, and whoever will make it his Business, may find Ways enough to do it. For they know but little of Human Nature, they never consulted their own Hearts, who are not sensible what Advances a well-manag'd Flattery makes, especially from a Person of whose Wit and Sense one has a good Opinion. His Wit at first recommends his Flatteries, and these, in Requital, set off his Wit; and she who has been us'd to this high-season'd Diet, will scarce ever relish another Conversation.

Having got thus far, to be sure he is not wanting to his good Fortune, but drives on to an Intimacy, or what they are pleas'd, now a-days, though very unjustly, to call a Friendship; all is safe under this sacred Character, which sets them above little Aims and mean Designs. A Character that must be conducted with the nicest Honour, allows the greatest Trusts, leads to the highest Improvements, is attended with the purest Pleasures and most rational Satisfaction. And what if the malicious World, envious of his Happiness, should take Offence at it, since he has taken all due Precautions, such unjust and ill-natur'd Censures are not to be regarded; for his Part the Distance that is between them checks all aspiring Desires, but her Conversation is what he must not, cannot want: Life is insipid, and not to be endur'd without it; and he is too much the Lady's Friend, has too just a Value for her, to entertain a Thought to her Disadvantage.

Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases, especially when they think they may innocently indulge it; and nothing pleases more than the being Admir'd and Humour'd. We may be told of the Danger, and shewn the Fall of others, but though their Misfortunes are ever so often or so lively represented to us, we are all so well assur'd of our own good Conduct, as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which others have been Shipwreck'd. We suppose it in our Power to shorten the Line of our Liberty whenever we think fit, not considering that the farther we run, we shall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to judge when a Retreat is necessary. A Woman does not know that she is more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions; that those Arguments she brings for continuing a Man's Conversation, prove only that she ought to have quitted it sooner; that Liking insensibly converts to Love, and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend, 'tis his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband.

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