Read Ebook: Some Reflections Upon Marriage. With additions. by Astell Mary

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Neither Sex cares to deny themselves that which pleases, especially when they think they may innocently indulge it; and nothing pleases more than the being Admir'd and Humour'd. We may be told of the Danger, and shewn the Fall of others, but though their Misfortunes are ever so often or so lively represented to us, we are all so well assur'd of our own good Conduct, as to believe it will bring us safe off those Rocks on which others have been Shipwreck'd. We suppose it in our Power to shorten the Line of our Liberty whenever we think fit, not considering that the farther we run, we shall be the more unwilling to retreat, and unable to judge when a Retreat is necessary. A Woman does not know that she is more than half lost when she admits of these Suggestions; that those Arguments she brings for continuing a Man's Conversation, prove only that she ought to have quitted it sooner; that Liking insensibly converts to Love, and that when she admits a Man to be her Friend, 'tis his Fault if he does not make himself her Husband.

And if Men, even the Modestest and the Best, are only in pursuit of their own Designs, when they pretend to do the Lady Service; if the Honour they would seem to do her, tends only to lead her into an imprudent, and therefore a dishonourable Action; and they have all that good Opinion of themselves as to take every thing for Encouragement, so that she who goes beyond a bare Civility, though she meant no more than Respect, will find it interpreted a Favour, and made ill Use of, what Shadow of a Pretence can a Woman have for admitting an Intimacy with a Man, whose Principles are known to be Loose, and his Practices Licentious? can she expect to be safe with him who has ruin'd others, and by the very same Methods he takes with her? If an Intimacy with a Man of a fair Character gives Offence, with a Man of an ill one, 'tis doubly and trebly scandalous. And suppose neither her Fortune nor Beauty can tempt him, he has his ill-natur'd Pleasure in destroying that Vertue he will not practise, or if that can't be done, in blasting the Reputation of it at least, and in making the World believe he has made a Conquest, though he has found a Foil.

If the Man be the Woman's Inferior, besides all the Dangers formerly mention'd, and those just now taken Notice of, she gives such a Countenance to his Vices, as renders her in great measure, Partaker in them; and, it can scarce be thought in such Circumstances, a Woman could like the Man if she were not reconcil'd to his Faults. Is he her Equal, and no unsuitable Match, if his Designs are fair, why don't they Marry, since they are so well pleas'd with each other's Conversation, which in this State only can be frequently and safely allow'd? Is he her Better, and she hopes, by catching him, to make her Fortune, alas! the poor Woman is neither acquainted with the World nor her self; she neither knows her own Weakness, nor his Treachery, and though he gives her ever so much Encouragement to this vain Hope, 'tis only in order to accomplish her Ruin. To be sure the more Freedom she allows, the more she lessens his Esteem, and that's not likely to increase a real, though it may a pretended Kindness; she ought to fly, if she would have him pursue, the strictest Vertue and Reserve being the only Way to secure him.

Religion and Reputation are so sure a Guard, such a Security to poor defenceless Woman, that whenever a Man has ill Designs on her, he is sure to make a Breach into one or both of these, by endeavouring either to corrupt her Principles, to make her less strict in Devotion, or to lessen her Value of a fair Reputation, and would persuade her, that less than she imagines will secure her as to the next World, and that not much Regard is to be given to the Censures of this. Or if this be too bold at first, and will not pass with her, he has another Way to make even her Love to Vertue contribute to its Ruin, by persuading her it never shines as it ought, unless it is expos'd, and that she has no Reason to boast of her Vertue unless she has try'd it. An Opinion of the worst Consequence that may be, and the most mischievous to a Woman, because it is calculated to feed her Vanity, and tends indeed to her utter Ruin. For, can it be fit to rush into Temptations, when we are taught every Day to pray against them? If the Trials of our Vertue render it illustrious, 'tis such Trials as Heaven is pleas'd to send us, not those of our own seeking. It holds true of both Sexes, that next to the Divine Grace a modest Distrust of themselves is their best Security, none being so often and so shamefully foil'd, as those who depend most on their own Strength and Resolution.

A Woman therefore can never have too nice a Sense of Honour, provided she does not prefer it before her Duty; she can never be too careful to secure her Character, not only from the Suspicion of a Crime, but even from the Shadow of an Indiscretion. 'Tis well worth her while to renounce the most Entertaining, and, what some perhaps, will call the most Improving Company, rather than give the World a just Occasion of Suspicion or Censure. For besides the Injury that is done Religion, which enjoins us to avoid the very Appearance of Evil, and to do nothing but what is of good Report, she puts her self too much in a Man's Power, who will run such a Risque for his Conversation, and expresses such a Value for him, as cannot fail of being made use of to do her a Mischief.

Preserve your Distance then, keep out of the Reach of Danger, fly if you would be safe, be sure to be always on the Reserve, not such as is Morose and Affected, but Modest and Discreet, your Caution cannot be too great, nor your Foresight reach too far; there's nothing, or what is next to nothing, a little Amusement and entertaining Conversation, lost by this, but all is hazarded by the other. A Man understands his own Merit too well to lose his Time in a Woman's Company, were it not to divert himself at her Cost, to turn her into a Jest, or something worse. And where-ever you see great Assiduities, when a Man insinuates into the Diversions and Humours of the Lady, liking and admiring whatever she does, though at the same Time he seems to keep a due Distance, or rather exceeds in the profoundest Respect; Respect being all he dare at present pretend to: when a more than ordinary Deference is paid; when something particular appears in the Look and Address, and such an Obsequiousness in every Action, as nothing could engage a Man to, who never forgets the Superiority of his Sex, but a Hope to be observ'd in his Turn: Then, whatever the Inequality be, and how sensible soever he seems to be of it, the Man has for certain his Engines at work, the Mine is ready to be sprung on the first Opportunity, and 'tis well if it be not too late to prevent the poor Lady's Ruin.

It is therefore very much a Man's Interest, that Women should be good Christians; for in this, as in every other Instance, he who does his Duty, finds his own Account in it. Duty and true Interest are one and the same Thing, and he who thinks otherwise is to be pitied for being so much in the Wrong: But what can be more the Duty of the Head, than to instruct and improve those who are under Government? She will freely leave him the quiet Dominion of this World, whose Thoughts and Expectations are plac'd on the next. A Prospect of Heaven, and that only, will cure that Ambition which all generous Minds are fill'd with, not by taking it away, but by placing it on a right Object. She will discern a Time when her Sex shall be no Bar to the best Employments, the highest Honour; a Time when that Distinction, now so much us'd to her Prejudice, shall be no more; but, provided she is not wanting to her self, her Soul shall shine as bright as the greatest Heroe's. This is a true, and indeed, the only Consolation; this makes her a sufficient Compensation for all the Neglect and Contempt the ill-grounded Customs of the World throw on her; for all the Injuries brutal Power may do her, and is a sufficient Cordial to support her Spirits, be her Lot in this World what it may.

As to the Female Reader, I hope she will allow I've endeavoured to do her Justice; not betray'd her Cause as her Advocates usually do, under Pretence of defending it. A Practice too mean for any to be guilty of who have the least Sense of Honour, and who do any more than meerly pretend to it. I think I have held the Balance even, and not being conscious of Partiality, I ask no Pardon for it. To plead for the Oppress'd, and to defend the Weak, seem'd to me a generous Undertaking; for though it may be secure, 'tis not always Honourable, to run over to the strongest Party. And if she infers from what has been said, that Marriage is a very happy State for Men, if they think fit to make it so; that they govern the World, they have Prescription on their Side; Women are too weak to dispute it with them, therefore they, as all other Governors, are most, if not only, accountable for what's amiss; for whether other Governments in their Original, were or were not confer'd according to the Merit of the Person, yet certainly in this Case, if Heaven has appointed the Man to govern, it has Qualified him for it: So far I agree with her: But if she goes on to infer, that therefore, if a Man has not these Qualifications, where is his Right? That if he misemploys, he abuses it? And if he abuses, according to modern Deduction, he forfeits it, I must leave her there. A peaceable Woman, indeed, will not carry it so far, she will neither question her Husband's Right, nor his Fitness to govern, but how? Not as an absolute Lord and Master, with an arbitrary and tyrannical Sway, but as Reason governs and conducts a Man, by proposing what is just and fit. And the Man who acts according to that Wisdom he assumes, who would have that Superiority he pretends to, acknowledged just, will receive no Injury by any thing that has been offered here. A Woman will value Him the more who is so wise and good, when she discerns how much he excels the rest of his noble Sex; the less he requires, the more will he merit that Esteem and Deference, which those who are so forward to exact, seem conscious they don't deserve. So then the Man's Prerogative is not at all infring'd, whilst the Woman's Privileges are secured; and if any Woman think her self injur'd, she has a Remedy in reserve, which few Men will envy, or endeavour to rob her of, the Exercise and Improvement of her Vertue Here, and the Reward of it Hereafter.

When I made these Reflections, I was of Opinion, that the Case of married Women, in comparison of that of their Husbands, was not a little hard and unequal. But as the World now goes, I am apt to think, that a Husband is in no desirable Situation; his Honour is in his Wife's keeping, and what Man of Honour can be satisfied with the Conduct which the Licentiousness of the Age not only permits, but would endeavour to authorize as a Part of good Breeding? And what makes his Case the worse, he must dissemble his Uneasiness, stifle his Resentments, and not dare to take the proper Methods of preventing and curing the Disorder.

So great is our Corruption, that such as pretend to make a true Estimate of Human Life, and very freely Satirize both Sexes for lesser Crimes, are not asham'd to recommend this, prescribing a known Sin as a Cure for what is not absolutely unlawful in it self, though very pernicious in its Consequences, when carried to Excess.

Whoever makes a true Estimate of Christianity, who does not profess it, because as yet, 'tis the Religion of his Country, or for his Interest, or some such worthy Motive; but upon full Conviction of its Divine Authority, which he cannot want if he examines impartially, as a Matter of this Consequence deserves; such a Man will find Christianity requires the strictest Purity of Heart and Imagination, since in the thickest Darkness our Thoughts, as well as our Actions, are manifest to our Judge; and, that whoever looks upon a Woman to Lust after her, has committed Adultery with her already in his Heart.

Common-Place Book to the Bible.

Religion of Nature delineated.

The genuine Use and Necessity of the two Sacraments: Namely, Baptism and the Lord's Supper; with our Obligations frequently to receive the latter.

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTES

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