Read Ebook: The Albany Depot : a Farce by Howells William Dean

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Ebook has 177 lines and 10978 words, and 4 pages

THE ALBANY DEPOT

A FARCE

NEW YORK

HARPER AND BROTHERS

The Chorewoman: "Mem?"

Mrs. Roberts: "I was just looking for my husband. He was to meet me here at ten minutes past three; but there don't seem to be any gentlemen. You haven't happened to notice--"

The Chorewoman: "There's a gentleman over there beyant, readin', that's just come in. He seemed to be lukun' for somebody." She applies the mop to the floor close to Mrs. Roberts's skirts.

Roberts, looking up with a dazed air from the magazine in his hand: "Why, what would have happened?"

The Colored Man who cries the trains, walking half-way into the room and then out: "Cars ready for Cottage Farms, Longwood, Chestnut Hill, Brookline, Newton Centre, Newton Highlands, Waban, Riverside, and all stations between Riverside and Boston. Circuit Line train now ready on Track No. 3."

Mrs. Roberts, in extreme agitation: "Good gracious, Edward, that's our train!"

Roberts, jumping to his feet and dropping all her packages: "No, no, it isn't, my dear! That's the Circuit Line train: didn't you hear? Ours doesn't go till ten to four, on the Main Line."

Roberts, picking up and dropping the multitudinous packages, and finally sitting down with them all in his lap, very red and heated: "I'll be careful, my dear."

Roberts, at whom she glances with misgiving as she runs out, holding the parcels on his knees with both elbows and one hand, and contriving with the help of his chin to get his magazine open again: "No, no; I won't, my dear." He loses himself in his reading, while people come and go restlessly. A gentleman finally drops into the seat beside him, and contemplates his absorption with friendly amusement.

Roberts, looking up: "Heigh? What! Why, Willis! Glad to see you--"

Roberts: "She left her purse at Stearns's, and she's gone back after it. Where's Amy?"

Campbell: "Wherever she said she wouldn't be at the moment. I expected to find her here with you and Agnes. What time did you say your train started?"

Roberts. "At ten minutes to four. And, by-the-way--I'd almost forgotten it--I must keep an eye out for the cook Agnes has been engaging. She was to meet us here before half-past two, and I shall have to receive her. You mustn't tell Amy; Agnes doesn't want her to know she's been changing cooks; and I've got to be very vigilant not to let her give us the slip, or you won't have any dinner to-night."

Roberts: "Oh, I'd only been reading a minute when you came in."

Campbell: "I don't believe you know how long you'd been reading. Very likely your cook's come and gone."

Roberts, with some alarm: "She couldn't. I'd only just opened the book."

Roberts, staring at him in consternation: "Bless my soul! I don't know! I never saw her!"

Campbell: "Never saw her?"

Roberts: "No; Agnes engaged her at the intelligence-office, and told her we should meet her here, and she had to go back for her purse, and left me to explain."

Campbell: "Ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! How did she expect you to recognize her?"

Roberts: "I--I don't know, I'm sure. She--she was very anxious I shouldn't let her get away."

Campbell, laughing: "You poor old fellow! What are you going to do?"

Roberts: "I'm sure I've no idea. Agnes--"

Roberts: "No, no! You mustn't, Willis. Agnes would be very much provoked with me, if you told Amy she had been engaging a cook. She expects to smuggle her into the house without Amy's knowing."

Campbell: "And she left you to meet her here, and keep her--a cook you'd never set eyes on! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ah, ha, ha, ha! What's her name?"

Roberts: "Agnes couldn't remember her last name--one never remembers a cook's last name. Her first name is Norah or Bridget."

Campbell: "Maggie, perhaps; they all sound alike. Ah, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha! This improves."

Roberts: "Don't, Willis; you'll attract attention. What--what shall I do? If Agnes comes back, and finds I've let the cook get away, she'll be terribly put out."

Roberts: "She said she was a very respectable-looking old thing--a perfect butter-ball. I suppose she was stout."

Campbell: "That covers the ground of a great many cooks. They're apt to look respectable when they're off duty and they're not in liquor, and they're apt to be perfect butter-balls. Any other distinctive traits?"

Roberts, ruefully: "I don't know. She's Irish, and a Catholic."

Campbell: "They're apt to be Irish, and Catholics too. Well, Roberts, I don't see what you can ask better. All you've got to do is to pick out a respectable butter-ball of that religion and nationality, and tell her you're Mrs. Roberts's husband, and you're to keep her from slipping away till Mrs. Roberts gets here."

Roberts: "Oh, pshaw, now, Willis! What would you do?"

Roberts, looking over at the woman in the corner, with growing conviction; "She does answer to the description."

Campbell: "Yes, and she looks tired of waiting. If I know anything of that woman's character, Roberts, she thinks she's been trifled with, and she's not going to stay to be made a fool of any longer."

Roberts, getting to his feet: "Do you think so? What makes you think so? Would you go and speak to her?"

Roberts: "There can't be any harm in asking her? She does seem to be looking this way."

Campbell: "Pretty blackly, too. I guess she's lost faith in you. It wouldn't be any use to speak to her now, Roberts."

Roberts: "I don't know. I'm afraid I'd better. I must. How would you introduce the matter, Willis?"

Campbell: "Oh, I wouldn't undertake to say! I must leave that entirely to you."

Roberts: "Do you think I'd better go at it boldly, and ask her if she's the one; or--or--approach it more gradually?"

Campbell: "With a few remarks about the weather, or the last novel, or a little society gossip? Oh, decidedly."

Roberts: "Oh, come, now, Willis! What would you advise? You must see it's very embarrassing."

Campbell: "Not the least embarrassing. Simplest thing in the world!"

The Colored Man who calls the Trains, coming and going as before: "Cars for Newton, Newtonville, West Newton, Auburndale, Riverside, Wellesley Hills, Wellesley, Natick, and South Framingham. Express to Newton. Track No. 5."

Campbell: "Ah, she's off! She's going to take the wrong train. She's gathering her traps together, Roberts!"

Roberts: "I'll go and speak to her." He makes a sudden dash for the woman in the corner. Campbell takes up his magazine, and watches him over the top of it, as he stops before the woman, in a confidential attitude. In a moment she rises, and with a dumb show of offence gathers up her belongings and marches past Roberts to the door, with an angry glance backward at him over her shoulder. He returns crestfallen to Campbell.

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