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Read Ebook: First Plays by Milne A A Alan Alexander
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INTRODUCTION WURZEL-FLUMMERY THE LUCKY ONE THE BOY COMES HOME BELINDA THE RED FEATHERS
INTRODUCTION
These five plays were written, in the order in which they appear now, during the years 1916 and 1917. They would hardly have been written had it not been for the war, although only one of them is concerned with that subject. To his other responsibilities the Kaiser now adds this volume.
For these plays were not the work of a professional writer, but the recreation of a professional soldier. Play-writing is a luxury to a journalist, as insidious as golf and much more expensive in time and money. When an article is written, the financial reward is a matter of certainty. A novelist, too, even if he is not in "the front rank"--but I never heard of one who wasn't--can at least be sure of publication. But when a play is written, there is no certainty of anything save disillusionment.
To write a play, then, while I was a journalist seemed to me a depraved proceeding, almost as bad as going to Lord's in the morning. I thought I could write one , but I could not afford so unpromising a gamble. But once in the Army the case was altered. No duty now urged me to write. My job was soldiering, and my spare time was my own affair. Other subalterns played bridge and golf; that was one way of amusing oneself. Another way was--why not?--to write plays.
So we began with Wurzel-Flummery. I say "we," because another is mixed up in this business even more seriously than the Kaiser. She wrote; I dictated. And if a particularly fine evening drew us out for a walk along the byways--where there was no saluting, and one could smoke a pipe without shocking the Duke of Cambridge--then it was to discuss the last scene and to wonder what would happen in the next. We did not estimate the money or publicity which might come from this new venture; there has never been any serious thought of making money by my bridge-playing, nor desire for publicity when I am trying to play golf. But secretly, of course, we hoped. It was that which made it so much more exciting than any other game.
Our hopes were realized to the following extent:
Wurzel-Flummery was produced by Mr. Dion Boucicault at the New Theatre in April, 1917. It was originally written in three acts, in which form it was shown to one or two managers. At the beginning of 1917 I was offered the chance of production in a triple bill if I cut it down into a two-act play. To cut even a line is painful, but to cut thirty pages of one's first comedy, slaughtering whole characters on the way, has at least a certain morbid fascination. It appeared, therefore, in two acts; and one kindly critic embarrassed us by saying that a lesser artist would have written it in three acts, and most of the other critics annoyed us by saying that a greater artist would have written it in one act. However, I amused myself some months later by slaying another character--the office-boy, no less--thereby getting it down to one act, and was surprised to find that the one-act version was, after all, the best... At least I think it is.... At any rate, that is the version I am printing here; but, as can be imagined, I am rather tired of the whole business by now, and I am beginning to wonder if anyone ever did take the name of Wurzel-Flummery at all. Probably the whole thing is an invention.
The Lucky One was doomed from the start with a name like that. And the girl marries the wrong man. I see no hope of its being produced. But if any critic wishes to endear himself to me he will agree with me that it is the best play of the five.
The Boy Comes Home was produced by Mr. Owen Nares at the Victoria Palace in September, 1918, introduced afterwards into Hallo, America! at the Palace, and played by Mr. Godfrey Tearle at the Coliseum in the following April.
Belinda was produced by Mr. Dion Boucicault at the New Theatre in April, 1918, with Miss Irene Vanbrugh in the name-part. Miss Ethel Barrymore played it in New York. I hope it will read pleasantly, but I am quite incapable of judging it, for every speech of Belinda's comes to me now in Miss Vanbrugh's voice.
The Red Feathers has not yet been produced, one reason being that it has never been offered to anybody. It is difficult enough to find a manager, but when one has also to get hold of a composer, the business of production becomes terrifying. I suppose there is a way of negotiating these difficulties, but I suspect that most of the fun to be got out of this operetta we have already had in writing it.
In conclusion, I must distress my friend J. M. Barrie by acknowledging my great debt to him. It would be more polite to leave him out of it, but I cannot let him off. After all, these are only "First Plays." I can always hope that "Last Plays" will be more worthy of that early encouragement.
A. A. MILNE.
WURTZEL-FLUMMERY
A COMEDY IN ONE ACT
CHARACTERS.
ROBERT CRAWSHAW, M.P. MARGARET CRAWSHAW . VIOLA CRAWSHAW . RICHARD MERITON, M.P. DENIS CLIFTON.
A Two-Act version of this play was produced by Mr. Dion Boucicault at the New Theatre on April 7, 1917, with the following cast:
Robert Crawshaw--NIGEL PLAYFAIR. Margaret Crawshaw--HELEN HAYE. Viola Crawshaw--PEGGY KURTON. Richard Meriton--MARTIN LEWIS. Denis Clifton--DION BOUCICAULT. Lancelot Dodd--BERTRAM SIEMS.
RICHARD. Three guesses who it is.
VIOLA . The Archbishop of Canterbury.
RICHARD. No.
VIOLA. The Archbishop of York.
RICHARD. Fortunately that exhausts the archbishops. Now, then, your last guess.
VIOLA. Richard Meriton, M.P.
RICHARD. Wonderful! How did you know?
VIOLA . Well, it couldn't have been father.
RICHARD. N-no, I suppose not. Not just after breakfast anyway. Anything in the paper?
VIOLA. There's a letter from father pointing out that--
RICHARD. I never knew such a man as Robert for pointing out.
VIOLA. Anyhow, it's in big print.
RICHARD. It would be.
VIOLA. You are very cynical this morning, Dick.
RICHARD. The sausages were cold, dear.
VIOLA. Poor Dick! Oh, Dick, I wish you were on the same side as father.
RICHARD. But he's on the wrong side. Surely I've told you that before.... Viola, do you really think it would make a difference?
VIOLA. Well, you know what he said about you at Basingstoke the other day.
RICHARD. No, I don't, really.
VIOLA. He said that your intellectual arrogance was only equalled by your spiritual instability. I don't quite know what it means, but it doesn't sound the sort of thing you want in a son-in-law.
RICHARD. Still, it was friendly of him to go right away to Basingstoke to say it. Anyhow, you don't believe it.
VIOLA. Of course not.
RICHARD. And Robert doesn't really.
VIOLA. Then why does he say it?
RICHARD. Ah, now you're opening up very grave questions. The whole structure of the British Constitution rests upon Robert's right to say things like that at Basingstoke.... But really, darling, we're very good friends. He's always asking my advice about things--he doesn't take it, of course, but still he asks it; and it awfully good of him to insist on my staying here while my flat was being done up. I bless him for that. If it hadn't been for the last week I should never have known you. You were just "Viola"--the girl I'd seen at odd times since she was a child; now--oh, why won't you let me tell your father? I hate it like this.
VIOLA, Because I love you, Dick, and because I know father. He would, as they say in novels, show you the door. And I want you this side of the door for a little bit longer.
RICHARD . I shall tell him before I go.
VIOLA . But not till then; that gives us two more days. You see, darling, it's going to take me all I know to get round him. You see, apart from politics you're so poor--and father hates poor people.
RICHARD . Damn money!
VIOLA . I think that's what father means by spiritual instability.
RICHARD. Viola! Oh, Lord, look out!
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