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Us Poets
Wordsworth wrote some tawdry stuff; Much of Moore I have forgotten; Parts of Tennyson are guff; Bits of Byron, too, are rotten.
All of Browning isn't great; There are slipshod lines in Shelley; Every one knows Homer's fate; Some of Keats is vermicelli.
Sometimes Shakespeare hit the slide, Not to mention Pope or Milton; Some of Southey's stuff is snide. Some of Spenser's simply Stilton.
Rubber-Stamp Humour
If couples mated but for love; If women all were perfect cooks; If Hoosier authors wrote no books; If horses always won; If people in the flat above Were silent as the very grave; If foreign counts were prone to save; If tailors did not dun--
If automobiles always ran As advertised in catalogues; If tramps were not afraid of dogs; If servants never left; If comic songs would always scan; If Alfred Austin were sublime; If poetry would always rhyme; If authors all were deft--
If office boys were not all cranks On base-ball; if the selling price Of meat and coal and eggs and ice Would stop its mad increase; If women started saying "Thanks" When men gave up their seats in cars; If there were none but good cigars, And better yet police--
If there were no such thing as booze; If wifey's mother never came To visit; if a foot-ball game Were mild and harmless sport; If all the Presidential news Were colourless; if there were men At every mountain, sea-side, glen, River and lake resort--
If every girl were fair of face; If women did not fear to get Their suits for so-called bathing wet-- If all these things were true, This earth would be a pleasant place. But where would people get their laughs? And whence would spring the paragraphs? And what would jokers do?
The Simple Stuff
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