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Words: 30836 in 11 pages
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Illustrator: Sterling Patterson
THE OLD SOAK, and HAIL AND FAREWELL
Garden City, N. Y., and Toronto
Doubleday, Page K Company
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
OLD SOAK
OUR friend, the Old Soak, came in from his home in Flatbush to see us not long ago, in anything but a jovial mood.
"I see that some persons think there is still hope for a liberal interpretation of the law so that beer and light wines may be sold," said we.
"Hope," said he, moodily, "is a fine thing, but it don't gurgle none when you pour it out of a bottle. Hope is all right, and so is Faith... but what I would like to see is a little Charity.
"As far as Hope is concerned, I'd rather have Despair combined with a case of Bourbon liquor than all the Hope in the world by itself.
"Hope is what these here fellows has got that is tryin' to make their own with a tea-kettle and a piece of hose. That's awful stuff, that is. There's a friend of mine made some of that stuff and he was scared of it, and he thinks before he drinks any he will try some of it onto a dumb beast.
"But there ain't no dumb beast anywheres handy, so he feeds some of it to his wife's parrot. That there parrot was the only parrot I ever knowed of that wasn't named Polly. It was named Peter, and was supposed to be a gentleman parrot for the last eight or ten years. But whether it was or not, after it drank some of that there home-made hootch Peter went and laid an egg.
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